22 Ways to Teach Generosity to Children: Part 1

Do we have to wait for the holidays to teach values?

22 Ways to Teach generosity to children

Dr. Robyn J.A. Silverman

This is part 1 of a 2 part article on teaching children to give outside of the “season of giving.”

As you know, I coach the top instructors, coaches, teachers, and leaders in the children’s after-school program industry. If you’re part of a Powerful Words member school lead by some of these industry leaders, you know that the powerful word of the month is generosity. Sometimes people are curious about why I don’t reserve such a concept for when we are celebrating Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa. Isn’t that the “season of giving?”

While holiday time is a wonderful time to talk about generosity and gratitude, I think it’s important to spread the word about giving throughout the year. During the summer, contributions to charities are down. People are thinking about vacations—not donations. The structure of the school day is out and the lazy summer schedule rules. But giving and generosity is just as important in August as it is in December, right?

As we are getting ready to go back to school in this half of the world, it’s only natural that our attention turns back to manners, giving, generosity and respect. These values help children to make and keep friends, excel in school, and feel fulfilled.

As we’ve recently talked about helping children create a “bucket list” that stresses giving over receiving, let’s delve deeper into the topic of children and generosity. This 2-part article contains 22 ways to teach children the gift of giving all year ‘round.

Here are the first 11:

(1) “Can Can:” Ask your children to go through the pantry at home and find any canned goods that haven’t been used within the last 6 months. If they’re not being eaten, give them to a family who can use them!

(2) “Grocery Grab:” Request that your children pick out one item each at the grocery store to contribute to the local food pantry.

(3) Planned Percentages: Direct your children to set aside a certain percentage of their allowance, job money, or money that came through gifts for the purpose of giving to charity. Then help them choose a charity that is meaningful to them, allow them to research it, and motivate them to write the letter telling the charity how much and why they want to donate to them.

(4) Entertain “the troops:” Visit an assisted living facility or a nursing home so that your children can sing songs, play games, and read with the seniors there.

(5) Out of the Closet: After every other season, have a “closet day” in which your children spend some time going through their closet and bagging up the things that are too small or unused. Then drive them to the drop off center or charity and allow them to contribute their donations.

(6) Out of season giving: Ask your children to help make cards or wrap presents for people outside of your family and circle of friends. Perhaps these contributions would be for the local children’s hospital or other charity. It doesn’t need to be holiday time to do this! Be different!

(7) Adopt a friend: Invite someone who doesn’t have family nearby to share a meal or come over for a movie. You wouldn’t believe how grateful they will be just to feel included.

(8) A Giving Living: Talk to your children often about generosity, giving, and how they can give of themselves each day. It’s amazing that the more we give, the more we get out of living.

(9) “I just called to say…:”Encourage your children to call elderly family members—even extended family members– just to say hello, tell them what’s new, and ask them what they’re up to these days. A simple call can make someone’s day.

(10) Cards Held in High Regard: Ensure that your children send out thank you cards. If they’re very young, have them sign them in their own way—either with their name, a drawing, or decorative stickers.

(11) Characters with Character: Read books that illustrate the power of giving. Talk about the characters with your children and ask them how each character showed generosity of spirit. What did they admire?

Stay tuned for 11 more ways to teach children generosity outside of the season of giving on Wednesday! In the mean time, what are your ideas? What ideas sound great to you? What ideas will you try this month? The more we share these ideas, the more we can inspire our children to become generous givers.

Have a Powerful Day!

Is Drowning an Issue of Race Among Children? What Cullen Jones Can Teach us

Copyright: Daniel Johnson/AP

How can Olympian, Cullen Jones, inspire children to learn to swim?

Dr. Robyn J.A. Silverman

What Powerful lessons can children learn from Olympian, Cullen Jones?

• Determination?
• Goal-setting?
• That African-Americans actually can swim?

Watching Cullen Jones, along with his teammates, Michael Phelps, Garrett Weber-Gale and anchor Jason Lezak set a world record in the 400-meter freestyle relay on Monday at the Beijing Games, you might be surprised to know that Jones is just the third African-American swimmer to medal in the Olympic Games, and only the second to win gold.

And competition is the least of our problems when it comes to African-American swimmers.

The New York Times published a disturbing article this week that laid it all out. First, in general, swimming is a problem such that in 2005, there were 3,582 unintentional drownings in the United States, or 10 per day, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. In fact, drowning is the second-leading cause of accidental death among children.

But even more tragic is that drowning and NOT swimming can actually be compounded by race such that:

the most worrisome statistics involve black children and teens ages 5 to 19, who are 2.3 times more likely to drown than whites in this age group. For children 10 to 14, the rate is five times higher.

In addition, nearly 6 out of 10 African-American and Hispanic children are unable to swim (almost twice as many as their Caucasian peers)!

What’s the problem here?

§ There once was a widely discredited theory about black people suffering from a “buoyancy problem” which made people think that black children couldn’t learn to swim.

§ Segregation kept black people out of pools and beaches and created generations of non-swimmers. This perpetuated the myth that African-Americans couldn’t swim.

§ While studies have shown that Africans were avid swimmers, slaves born into the United States were not allowed to swim because it could be seen as a means of escape.

What can an Olympian do?

The fate of the young African-American swimmer might be resting on the shoulders of Cullen Jones, who is dispelling the myths about black people and swimming as he enjoyed Olympic gold and showed himself as a great role model to all children.

I was told, ‘You could change the face of swimming by getting more African-Americans into swimming,’ ” Jones, 24, said. “At first I was like, ‘Really, me?’ I never got into it thinking I could do something like that, you never do. I just liked to swim.

Bank of America has stepped up to sponsor Jones as he teaches a series of clinics and meets in order to promote minorities to get back into the pool and learn to swim. Having nearly drowned himself as a child, he knows how important swimming lessons are and hopes to impart these all important lessons to the children he interacts with on his tour.

With the strength of the lessons children are learning through their Powerful Words Member Schools and the lessons they can learn in the swimming pool about staying safe and strong, who knows? Another Olympian might just be born!

Cullen Jones’ NPR interview

7 attributes children learn from Olympians

copyright: Sandi Stevens McGee and Dr. Robyn Silverman

What does it take to become an Olympian in life?

Dr. Robyn J.A. Silverman

New York Times

Shawn Johnson sticks the perfect landing. Nastia Liukin falls flat on her back and gets back up. Michael Phelps wins another gold medal.

No matter what event you like, it’s difficult to watch the Olympics and not feel inspired. I can’t help myself—I have to stand up, my palms get sweaty, and I find myself shouting “go, go, go!” and “you can do it!” at the TV.

Children can learn a great deal from our Olympians. They’re not just role models; they are character in action. They take all of the Powerful Words that we learn and make use of them in their daily lives.

Here are just a few questions you can pose to your children:

1. Perseverance: How do your child’s favorite athletes show perseverance in every part of competition and every practice? How can your children show the same kind of perseverance in their own lives?
2. Discipline: What kind of discipline does it take to achieve a goal like being a member of the Olympic team? Where do you show discipline in your life?
3. Responsibility: What do you think are the responsibilities of an Olympic hopeful? What kinds of responsibilities must you meet on your quest to be your best?
4. Determination: Why do you think being determined is so important on our quest to reach our goals? When have you felt determined? What goals have you achieved by being determined?
5. Indomitable Spirit: Which athletes kept going with all their effort even when they weren’t “the favorite” or even when they were behind? How did that indomitable spirit pay off? When have you showed indomitable spirit in the face of challenge?
6. Respect: How do you see the Olympians showing respect for themselves and their fellow athletes? How do they show respect and sportsmanship for the judges and their fans? How do you show respect to others each day?
7. Courage: How do you think these athletes developed the courage to compete on the highest level? How do you think they stayed courageous even when they failed or fell? When do you show that kind of courage and how can you show even more?

The Olympics can be a great stepping stone to talk about your family’s values and well as what it takes to be the best in any area of interest. This is a great time to talk about some amazing athletes and how your children can integrate what they see on their quest to become Olympians in life.

6 Fun Ways to Use Pictures to Say Thank You to Teachers

The articles on how to write thank you cards to teachers , saying thank you in different languages , and 10 great ways to appreciate teachers beat out my Miley Cyrus article series (finally!) so I figured parents are really looking for more information on this topic. I’m so glad. Showing gratitude to teachers and thanking them for their hard work is so important. And, as you all know, gratitude is one of recent Powerful Words, and one that is typically a favorite among teachers and families.

Everyone loves pictures these days. They’re so easy to take, so inexpensive, and yet, so precious. Using pictures are a great way to thank teachers for all that they do.

Here are some ideas that you can do as a group:

1. Pictures, admiration, and the spa: Take a picture that you have of the teacher and get ready to do a little photo shopping. Fold 2 pieces of card stock together so that it makes a “book.” Put the full picture on the front cover and write “why I love my teacher” on the front. Crop out her face/head and paste it on the first page. Say something like; “I love that you’re always smiling and make me feel special.” On the next page, cut out her hands and say something like; “I love that your hands help shape the future.” On the next page, crop out her feet and write something like; “I love that you choose to stand in front of the class and teach us everyday.” And on the last page say something like; “For your happy face, your important hands, and your tired feet, please have fun getting a facial, manicure and pedicure! (Insert gift certificate.
2. Photos, the class, and a Scrapbook: This takes some planning but certainly is worth it. Write a letter and send it out to each class mate that says; “we would like to make a special scrapbook for the teacher.” Please write something special and either give it to _______, send it to _________, or email it to _________. You can provide some questions like “what do you like so much about the teacher?” “What is your favorite memory about the teacher?” Take all of the letters and put them in the book. When I’ve done something like this before (the best present ever!), I had everyone email the letters to me and then I was able to print them out on nice, fun scrapbook paper with beautiful fonts, and place them in the book. I added pictures of everyone and a beautiful picture of the honoree on the front.
3. Spell it out: We talked about this one the other day. According to Scholastic, have your students work in teams of two or three to make letters with their bodies that spell “THANK YOU SO MUCH.” If you have fewer students, you can just make the words “THANK YOU” instead. To put the card together, I took pictures of the students forming each letter with a digital camera. I then inserted the pictures into a blank poster in Print Shop and used the freehand crop tool to cut around their bodies. (This makes them look more like the letters they are trying to form.) Once I have all of the letters cropped, I arrange them on the Print Shop poster and print copies for each parent volunteer. I paste the printed copies on a construction paper card and have the students sign their names inside the card.”
4. Blow it up: Take a picture of the teacher and blow it up. Mount it on a big piece of card stock. Have each child write a message around the picture that talks about what they appreciate most about their teacher. It could be as simple as, “she reads good books to us,” or it could be a more detailed message.
5. A Photo, a t-shirt, and class posterity: This idea comes from Family Fun. On the front of the t-shirt, put your child’s class picture and the school year, and on the back, write all of the student names. On the last day, have the students put their handprint above their names with the colored dye for clothes. Variation: Purchase a dark t-shirt and get the children to put their handprint on it in neon paint. (Parents can do this project on a day that we knew the teacher would not be there—after the handprints dry, add the children’s names).
6. Moving pictures: Put together a video collage of pictures from the school year with a beautiful song in the background or even a song that the children can sing. Variation: Have each child say what they like best about the teacher, why that teacher is a favorite, what they’ll always remember, and “thank-you!” Put the video together showcases all the best answers to the questions, making sure each child is represented. At the end, flash one child after other saying “thank you.” Again, you can use music or the children singing thank you or good-bye songs in the background.

Send in your ideas about how you are thanking teachers, coaches, and instructors this year!

Teachers, Coaches, Instructors…we appreciate you! Have a Powerful Day!

Do People Still Help One Another? Compassion Wrap Up with Dr. Robyn

Friday Musings: An Opinion Piece by Dr. Robyn Silverman

There are times when you have a bag in each hand, a box on your head, and your keys dangling from your mouth and nobody would think to help you. We’re just not in the land of compassion. People are self-centered—listening to their i-pods, playing with their blackberries, and tuning into their favorite radio station, W.I.F.M. (What’s in It For Me).

So you can imagine how struck I was the other day when I was at an organic food market and people were actually helpful. Now I know what you’re thinking, “that’s their job,” but it’s a lot of people’s jobs to be helpful and you and I know that most of the time, they’re not.

Just think for a moment about the people on the other end of just about any service call, insurance inquiry, or typical grocery store check-out. Standing on line at my typical grocery store can take three times longer than it should since Mary is shouting over to the next check-out station, “Hey Ashley, “whatcha doing now?” instead of ringing in the one box of Coco Puffs that the woman is attempting to buy in front of me.

Anyway, back to the organic food store. It wasn’t anything that was that big of a deal. But I think that’s why it made such an impression on me. Two tired women were pushing baby carriages with one hand while they carried their lunches (salads and a soup balanced on top) in the other.

I pulled up behind them just as they were navigating towards the cashiers– when a thin, bearded man swooped in from what seemed like a secret side door, and approached the women. He asked, “Can I take those to the cashiers for you, ladies?” Given the “every man for himself” treatment in the typical grocery store, you can imagine how shocked they were. And I was too.

This “Compassion Concierge” of sorts, took their lunches and brought them directly to the shortest line, placed the lunches on the conveyer belt, and asked the ladies if there was anything else he could do for them. Would they need some help getting the food out to the car? Did they need any other groceries that he could run and bring them while they waited on line to pay for their lunches?

Holy Moly. It really made an impression on me. It wasn’t this man’s “job” to make things easier for these ladies. How many times do we hear, “it’s not my job” as an excuse for why people can’t be more helpful? He saw a need and he reacted. Can you imagine if all of us reacted in the same way with people in our communities?

So the next time I walked into the store, I found the helpful man. It turns out that his name is Buck. I told him how much I appreciated how he went the extra mile. Thats when he told me; “I’m team leader here at our store. I don’t just think it’s important to react in these ways for the customers– but also for the young people who are watching me to see what they should be doing.” Buck is a smart man.

Now that we’re wrapping up compassion month, we know that nobody’s looking for heroics. We’ve all heard it before–small acts of kindness can make such a difference. It takes such a short amount of time and a simple willingness to open one’s eyes and lend a helping hand. This man didn’t get paid anything extra nor did he ask for applause. But I imagine he made the day of two exhausted Mommies who were just so happy to be given a little break from having to do it all. And perhaps he inspired some other young people to be a little more helpful.

As parents, we need to follow Buck’s lead. At this time, why not:

1. Take the time to recognize someone who goes the extra mile– even when nobody’s looking. Perhaps it’s someone at your Powerful Words Member School– or someone at work– or a young person in the community. When people are recognized for the helpful little things they do, they tend to do even more of them– and they realize that they are indeed helpful to others. That means a great deal
2. Do something compassionate– show your children that there is indeed a moment to slow down. We often run from one thing to the next– but sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and do a small act of kindness. These are the vital lessons we must teach our children so that they just accept it as a normal part of life.
3. Ask your family– what compassionate acts have you engaged in this month? Highlight those moments when your children thought of others. Talk about the moments that you slowed down to help someone who needed it and how it made you feel. Find out how your children felt when they helped someone feel better about something– shared with them– gave them a hug. Even a short conversation can make a big impact. It will help you to relay your family values and your children to learn what’s really important.

Have a wonderful weekend-

Modeling Compassion for Children: 4 Easy Hands-On Examples

We often hear that parents must serve as role models for their children. “Monkey See, Monkey Do.” Since the Powerful Word of the month is compassion for all Powerful Words Member Schools, it’s a great time to demonstrate ways to be compassionate at home. After all, when you show kindness, your children will learn kindness, and demonstrate kindness. When you show intolerance, impatience, and injustice, they will learn to behave in the same ways.

Here are some hands-on ways to understand how to pass on the ability to be empathic and compassionate to your children.

1. Compassion for Other Family Members

Scenario: It’s the weekend. Mom and Dad have been doing chores all day long. Both are tired. When they decide to call it quits for the day, Mom offers Dad something cold to drink and they sit together on the couch. Dad massages Mom’s feet after a long day.

Effect: Little Matt sees that both Mom and Dad feel for and understand each other. Little Matt learns what empathy and compassion look like. He also sees the positive effects such kindness has on others.

Teaching Moment: Talk to Matt about the importance of showing compassion to others in the family. Even if you’re tired or even if you’re a child, you can still show kindness is easy, helpful ways. These acts of kindness make people feel good inside– both the receiver and the giver!

Participation: Let Little Matt bring a cookie for Dad or let him massage Mom’s fingers.

These little ways of contributing to others will send the signal to Little Matt that he can make others feel good by showing compassion.

2. Compassion for Animals

Having pets in the home is a great way to teach children compassion.

Scenario: Polly the cockatoo is making a raucous in her stand. Mom checks her out, sees the seed bin empty, and the water cup empty. Mom cleans the containers, places some seeds and pours fresh water.

Effect: Little Matt understands that if pets need and deserve attention.

Learning moment: Explain to Little Matt that the bird became noisy because it couldn’t fend for itself and she was hungry. Just like when he was a little baby, and he was hungry, he would cry. Mom treats Polly as a member of the family who needs caring, Little Matt would treat Polly in the same way.

Participation: Assign Matt to be the “listener” for Polly’s cries or the “food checker” every other day. When able, he can put seeds and pour water into the container.

3. Compassion for Playmates

Scenario: While playing in your backyard, Little Matt’s friend, Tommy, bruises his knee and starts crying. Mom washes his bruises, blowing to keep the pain away, and placing antiseptic to make sure the bruise doesn’t get infected. All this time, Mom explains to Matt what she is doing.

Effect: Little Matt sees the pain in his friend and sees Mom try her best to take the pain away. Again, Little Matt learns empathy and compassion.

Learning Moment: When our friends get hurt, we need to stop what we’re doing and take care of the. That means helping them when they trip or getting an adult when they need some extra assistance.

Participation: Let Little Matt join in blowing the pain away. He can also get the band-aid out of the cabinet or the cotton-ball out of the container.

4. Compassion for Others

Scenario: One of the local charities called and they’re doing a big clothing drive. Mom and Dad start putting their old or unworn clothes into bags and marking them “Charity.” Matt’s Mom explains what she’s doing. Matt’s Dad tells his son that the clothes are going to people who need clothes but are unable to buy them.

Effect: Little Matt sees that his parents participate in giving to charity. He will likely want to join in and help the people in need as well.

Learning Moment: Matt’s parents teach him that there are many children that rely on nice little boys and girls for toys, clothes, and household goods. While he may not like his Sesame Street Comforter Set anymore and he may not read his “board books” anymore, other little boys and girls may love them! What can he give away to help others?

Participation: Matt can put his clothes from last year that he no longer wears, into a bag for charity. His parents tell him that his clothes are going to other little boys who will love everything Matt gives to them! They will be thinking, “thank you, Matt!”

Note: Many of our Powerful Words Member Schools do great charity drives in August! We’d love to have you join in and donate your unwanted clothes and household items!

Each time we take a moment to include our children in the process of giving to others and showing compassion to others, they learn valuable lessons about kindness and empathy that will stay with them for the rest of their lives.

Start early—start today!

Earth Day in May: Teaching Children That Everyday Should Be Earth Day

It’s May 1st. We’re leaving behind another month of Obama vs Clinton, the woes of Miley Cyrus, and…Earth Day. But while Obama, Clinton, and Cyrus, will all likely get a lot more air time before next April, Earth Day may not be so lucky. As educators and parents, we need to teach children that everyday should be Earth Day– not just April 22nd.

For all those of you who attend a Powerful Words Member School, today marks the beginning of Compassion Month. We’ll be talking about the ways that our children and our teens (as well as ourselves) can show compassion to each other, people across the world who are in need, endangered animals and homeless pets, and yes, our planet.

Kids may think they’re too young to make a difference. Some parents may think their kids are too young as well. But Powerful Parents know better. While young children may not be able to join massive reforestation projects or major clean-up movements, they can contribute in many simple ways. They can start at home. They can start with you. They can start now.

Here are some things that you can teach your kids to do to celebrate Earth Day everyday:

Here are some things that you can teach your kids to do to celebrate Earth Day everyday:

1. Garbage management. There are many ways to teach kids the value of proper garbage management.
   • Reuse, reduce, recycle. Train them to be on the lookout for the recycling symbol on products you/they want to buy. This is an assurance that the materials used for packaging are environment-friendly and may be recycled.
   • Teach them the importance of separating their garbage. You can even turn this into a game: Let’s see if you can shoot this plastic bottle in the blue recycle can.
   • If there are no trash cans in sight, instead of littering, teach them to bring their trash home.
   • Reuse half-use or lightly used paper for drawing and writing. Explain to your children that paper comes from trees, and if they save paper, they can help save trees.
   • Use reusable or biodegradable containers/bags for their school lunch instead of disposable brown bags or plastic sandwich bags.
2. Walk. When it’s not too far away and it’s safe, walking is a great alternative to driving. Children can walk to school, to their friend’s house, or to the neighborhood store. You don’t have to use the car everywhere you go. Walking is not only good exercise, it also helps reduce the build-up of carbon monoxide that cars produce. This change therefore doesn’t only affect our health but it can also greatly affect the air we breathe. (Need an alternative? Use the bike!)
3. Go Organic. Produce grown the organic way helps keep air, water, and soil clean because they don’t use toxic pesticides. There are already a variety of organic foods in the market today – meat, rice, milk, juice, eggs, butter, and a lot more. You can also get some of these items from the local farmer’s market which helps to support local farmers and family-owned farms. Buying and eating these items can offer a healthier solution to processed, mass produced foods and can be better for the environment.
4. Care for the plants. Plants don’t only make our surroundings look nicer, but they also give us fresh air. Kids should learn to respect them. Don’t: Kick at the bushes, throw plastics on the shrubs, break off the tree branches, or pull at the leaves. A better idea? Plant a tree in your yard! Cultivate a garden! This could be a nice activity to do as a family.
5. Care for the animals and other living things. Of course we care for our pets. That’s important. But there are other important living things—even the smallest of creatures–like bees, worms, spiders play a critical role in our environment. Bees pollinate flowers. And worms make our soil richer. Spiders can help farmers grow safer crops. All living things bring balance to our world. We need to teach children that just because insects and small creatures don’t take up much space, they still have significant and important jobs—and therefore we must take care of every part of our environment.
   
6. Help other kids think Green. Spread the word. Spread the habit. If your kid’s school doesn’t have a green program yet, prompt your child to talk to the teacher about it. Make an activity out of cleaning the park with your kid and his/her friends.
7. Be informed. Read websites with your child. There are a lot of kid-friendly sites that talk about Earth Day. Some of these sites provide games, crafts and activities for kids to do.
8. Save water. Though water is continuously being cleaned through our natural water cycle, we use up our fresh water supply faster than the earth can recycle it. So, instead of simply consuming water, kids can help to conserve it.

· Take shorter showers. Leaving the shower 30 seconds earlier can make a big difference.

· Remind them not to leave the faucet on while they’re brushing their teeth or soaping up their hands.

· Check if their bathroom has a leaky faucet or toilet.

• 9. Save electricity: Generating electricity creates pollution, uses a lot of water and oil, and causes the weather to change (and not in a good way!). So by saving electricity, kids can help save the earth.

· Turn off the lights when no one is in the room.

· Open the windows so it will be cooler, and they won’t need to turn on the air-conditioner.

· Turn off electrical appliances such as computers (don’t forget the monitors and speakers), television, radio and electric fan. In fact, it might be a good idea to unplug these appliances from the outlets when you’re leaving for a long time, because they consume some electricity even when they’re off and plugged in!

These are only a few things that your kids can do to help save our planet. Small steps? Yes. Easy to do? Certainly. But can children really make a difference?

Imagine this. If a thousand children believed that their contribution did not matter, a thousand gallons of water would be wasted every year just by leaving the water flowing while washing a thousand pairs of hands. If just a thousand children chose not recycle a plastic bottle each day, 10 years from now we would accumulate over 3,650,000 more plastic bottles in land fills. That’s an impressive number. However, it’s tiny and just a drop in the bucket. In fact, each day in the US more than 60 million plastic water bottles are thrown away.

Now let’s flip the coin. If a thousand children decide to start making a habit of being earth-friendly, thousands of parks could be cleaned. Thousands of reams of paper (and trees!) would be saved. Thousands of bottles, bags, and cans would stay out of the landfills. And, by spreading the habit, thousands will turn into millions! Yes, children can make a difference.

With family’s help, we can have Earth Day in May. We can celebrate Earth Day everyday.

Some more resources to help children learn about the environment:

Environmental Kids Club

Environmental Education for Kids

The Green Squad: Kids taking action for greener, healthier schools

Nature Challenge for Kids:

Greena, Planet Slayer: Animated teen that saves the earth

Natural Resources Defense Council: Lots of links to help kids save the planet

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Raising Good Sports in a World of Poor Sports: 6 Ways to Teach Children the Way to Play the Game

Dr. Robyn J.A. Silverman

The weather’s getting awfully nice here in New England. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and the kids are outside playing sports. Which gets me thinking…

As adults, we often turn a blind eye to bad sportsmanship when it is glorified in the media. Heck, some adults join in on the banter. Quotes and questionable behavior from angry, volatile players and coaches is often excused in the heat of battle. We love our sports, we love our players, and secretly, we love a good rumble.

In 2004, around the time that Boston’s beloved Red Sox “reversed the curse” and won their first World Series in a long, long time, the fifth and six graders from Merriam Elementary School in Acton, Massachusetts took the spirit of the game into their own hands. They wrote to the owners of the Red Sox, the Yankees, and the Commissioner of Baseball himself to see if they could inspire a truce for the benefit of the children:

“We think sportsmanship is very important. We have observed in the past few years that the Red Sox – Yankees rivalry has gotten too extreme. Fans and players everywhere are getting too worked up about what’s just a game. Fights between two teams are not necessary because fans and players can get hurt. Our idea is that the Red Sox and Yankees should shake hands…If the players shake hands and don’t have violent fights, it will set a good example for kids of all ages who look up to them. All of us here play sports and at the end of each game we all shake hands. So we think that if younger kids show good sportsmanship, Major League players also should.”

And so the Merriam Handshake Project was born. It received national press and $10,000 in scholarship money to back outreach efforts to teach others about sportsmanship. Imagine that. Sometimes children need to remind us about what we are supposed to be teaching them.

Let’s get back to the basics and teach our kids to play fair. Huddle up; this is what we need to do:

Seize Teachable Moments: Whether you’re watching a game on TV or attending a school sporting event, you can always find “teachable moments” regarding sportsmanship. Ask your child her opinions of players who showboat and taunt their opponents, games that are riddled with technical fouls and penalties, and teams that argue and trash talk. What advise would your children give the players if they were in the position of coach? During these “teachable moments” ask open-ended questions and listen more than you talk.

Discuss it: If you see your child showing poor sportsmanship, make sure that you discuss his actions and address it accordingly. If your child is involved with an activity or team where poor sportsmanship is the norm, speak with the instructor or coach to make your concerns known. When poor sportsmanship is a constant part of the game, you may want to reevaluate your child’s participation in that particular activity or on that specific team.

Model Positive Sportsmanship: Remember, your child is watching you! Are you booing the other team? Yelling ugly things at the umpire or referee? On the flip side, are you offering complimentary words to the other team when they have a nice play? If you want your child to show good sportsmanship, take a look in the mirror, and make sure you are showing the behavior you want you child to emulate.

Be Their #1 Fan: When watching your children participate in a game or match, shout words of encouragement instead of directions or criticisms. Remember, your children look to you for praise—they have a coach that gives them directions and sometimes, unfortunately, dissatisfied teammates to provide criticisms!

Check your ego at the door: Many adults know that it is alright to lose if someone has tried their best. However, some still fail to display good sportsmanship. Researchers show that some parents are living vicariously through their children and therefore get wrapped up in winning the game or the competition. Along the same lines, some parents push their children into playing to win because they have unrealistic expectations of their child and feel that their child will be the next superstar. Challenge yourself to check your ego at the door—and remember that your child is in it for the fun and the positive experience!

And perhaps most importantly, if your child is frustrated by consistent poor displays of character among his athletic idols on TV or even among his own teammates while in competition, teach him to Take Action! This is when leaders are born. Upon reflection, you might wonder if the voice of a child could make any difference in sports world. But it can. Just ask the students of Merriam Elementary.

Webmaster’s Note: Portions of this article were originally printed in Bay State Parent Magazine, where Dr. Robyn is an expert parenting columnist.

Dr. Robyn J.A. Silverman is a child and adolescent development specialist whose programs and services are used worldwide. Known as “The Character Queen,” she’s the creator of the Powerful Words Character Development program used by top-notch professional after-school programs around the world. Dr. Robyn is also a success coach for parents, adolescents, and educators, who are looking to achieve their goals, improve their lives or improve the lives of others. She is a writer and professional speaker who presents to schools, hospitals and organizations that focus on children or families. Interested in doing some coaching with Dr. Robyn or having Dr. Robyn present a seminar? Please get in touch at drrobynsblog (at symbol) gmail dot com

10 Ways to Teach Your Teen Gratitude; Volume 1: The First 5 Ways

10 Ways to Teach Your Teen Gratitude: The First 5 Ways

Is that what I deserve after helping you? What am I going to do with you?!”

You might hear this cry of frustration among parents of teens as they struggle with their child’s mood swings and opposition to authority. Caught between the desire to see their teens individuate and the longing for a time, only a few short years ago, when their teens used to need them, want them around, and perhaps even “worship” them a little, Mom and Dad might be dealing with their own growing pains.

“You’re ruining my life! Just leave me alone!”

On the other hand, these might just be the lines of their teens, who, with raging hormones and a natural desire to spend time with friends (and less time with you), are realizing that they’re too old to play yet are too young to decide how they’re going to run their life.

Adolescence is certainly a crazy time for both parents and teenagers. But it doesn’t have to be unpleasant. As adults, parents can think of ways to help their teens as they go through this important journey in their lives. It takes a lot of patience, determination, creativity, reflection…and yes, stress-management.

One way to make living with your teen more tolerable and enjoyable, is to help them develop a grateful outlook on life. As parents, we can’t demand that our teenagers be grateful of us or anyone else. However, we can’t simply accept an ungrateful attitude and a sense of entitlement from them either.

So what are we to do?

Here are the first 5 tips to help your teens keep the importance of gratitude in the forefront:

(1) Clarify the difference between rights and privileges. In today’s world of modern conveniences, we take many things for granted. We don’t realize that conveniences are privileges rather than our rights. For example, it’s the right of our children to be clothed, but it’s a privilege for them to wear designer jeans. It’s the right of our children to be educated, but it’s a privilege for them to have access to after-school programs and specialty classes. Our children don’t need to earn their rights but they do need to earn their privileges. Help your teens discover the blessings they have been given. This doesn’t mean lecturing– but a discussion of news stories that show people’s rights being violated or dinner conversation about stories teens who do not have many privileges will help to make this distinction more obvious.

(2) Be a model of gratitude. That means show it, recognize it, and appreciate it when you see it. When your teen demonstrates kind, thoughtful behavior, be sure to show gratitude. Don’t let sleeping dogs lie. Nothing feels better than being appreciated for the little things such as putting the plates in the sink without being asked or making the bed. Resist the temptation to say; “FINALLY, you did it– why don’t you do this all the time!” It will backfire. In addition, show gratitude for others, whether it’s a neighbor who brings in your mail or the store clerk that helps you with your groceries, when they help you or do something to make your life a little more convenient or worthwhile. Our own gratitude shows our teens that it’s important to be grateful even for both small and grand gestures.

(3) Keep a positive attitude and stop whining. It may sounds corny, but a grateful, positive outlook tends to make life, well, more positive. Every morning, find something for which to be grateful; the sun shining, the garden getting the rain it needed, the fact that your neighbor remembered to put his robe on before getting his paper. Notice something positive about your teen. Compliment him but don’t overpraise. This could be as simple as telling him how good he looks in his blue shirt or as significant as telling him how much you appreciate the hug he gives you ever morning.

(4) Acknowledge failure and frustration—both yours and your child’s. Owning one’s weakness is the first step to learning and improving. Adding humor to the situation when possible/appropriate will help lighten things too. Say- “Oops, I guess I messed up, sorry about that,” “I must have left my brain on my pillow this morning—I’ll go get it,” or “Everyone makes mistakes—we can be thankful that we have the ability to fix them.” Then, end the conversation with hope: “Thank goodness, there’s still tomorrow. We’ll do better next time.”

(5) Find the Good in the situation. Many situations which appear “bad,” often can result in something good. It may be tough, but try to be a “good-finder” and show your children how to do the same. For example, The Seemingly Bad: Your teen has to stay home on a Friday night and baby-sit her younger sibling. The Good? They find this movie on TV that was so funny that they had a blast watching it together. The Benefit? This will teach them to look for the good and not be so quick to complain.

Gratitude is a state of mind. It takes a conscious mindset and a willingness to stop and take notice of everything that makes life better, more convenient, and more fulfilling. Surround your teen with gratitude; grateful people, things to be grateful for, and models of gratitude and he’ll surely get the picture. Teens can seem like they’re not paying attention but in reality, they carry our voices and our examples everywhere they go. So go ahead. They’re watching and listening. And they want to talk to you.

Stay tuned for 10 Ways to Teach Your Teen Gratitude; Volume 2: The Next 5 Ways

Have a Powerful Week!

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Idol Gives Back: A Way to Teach Gratitude

Sometimes, the media can be used for the power of good. Perhaps some of your children stayed up to watch “Idol Gives Back” last night, a star-studded charity show used as a vehicle to raise millions of dollars for several children’s charities around the world.

Since we’re focused on gratitude month in all Powerful Words family member schools, it’s important to find examples of giving and giving back. As you will see in the last week of this month’s curriculum, we will be talking about what charity and giving back has to do with gratitude. Questions such as; Can giving back feel as good as receiving? What does giving have to do with gratitude; and How do you feel inside when you give to someone and it’s appreciated? Will help the children tie gratitude to giving, not just receiving.

These questions, along with others, will help children, who are so often focused on “what’s in it for them” to focus on others who don’t have as much. This helps in several ways; (1) They recognize how blessed they are; (2) They see that while they may not have everything they want, they have what they need; (3) They can discuss the “people in need” that many are working to help and support across the world; (4) They can see powerful words such gratitude, charity, citizenship, and empathy in action; and (5) They can connect the power of giving to the powerful word, charity.

Idol Gives Back:

Charities: The Children’s Defense Fund, The Global Fund, Make It Right, Malaria No More, Save The Children, U.S. Programs and the Children’s Health Fund.

Celebrities: Annie Lennox, Celine Dion, Bono, Carrie Underwood, Brad Pitt, Robin Williams, Forest Whitaker, Billy Crystal, Dane Cook, Kiefer Sutherland, Vanessa Hudgens, Ashley Tisdale, Jennifer Connolly, Elliott Yamin, Fantasia and Amy Adams, Reese Witherspoon, Miley Cyrus, Mariah Carey, Eli Manning, Peyton Manning, Fergie, Chris Daughtry, John Legend, Snoop Dogg, Maroon 5, Heart and Gloria Estefan.

If your children did watch some or all of Idol Gives Back, take the opportunity to talk to them about giving to charity and being grateful. Even if you believe the concept has flaws, you can use the media hype to discuss something very meaningful. Why do they think so many celebrities got involved? What stuck out for them? How do the celebrities give back? Tell them how you feel about giving to others and how you have given of your time, effort, or money to assist others in need. How would they like to help? Perhaps they would like to give some of their money to charity (i.e. allowance or birthday money). Perhaps as one of their spring activities, they’d like to donate their time to a local charity. There are many things they can do, that don’t cost any money at all, that can really help others and fill the heart with gratitude.

In the spirit of gratitude, we thank you.