For My Birthday: The Gifts a Child Brings into Your Life

Dr. Robyn Silverman and daughter, Tallie

For My Birthday- The Many Gifts of Having a Child in Your Life

Dr. Robyn Silverman

On my birthday, I realized that my ears have become bionic. I didn’t realize how noisy everything is until my daughter came along—and sleep became so precious. Floor boards creak, dishes clank, and my dog actually yips in his sleep. To drown out the major offenders we use several things– classical music, a humidifier, and a white noise machine that my husband sometimes thinks is on too loudly. What can I say? I cringe at the thought that they might wake up my daughter, especially if it’s been a particularly hard day or challenging night time sleep routine.

It’s funny what you realize when you have a child. Perhaps every sense is just heightened. Parents know their children’s smells (good or bad!), their baby’s cries, and when a stranger puts their son or daughter at ease or on alert. But one of the biggest changes I’ve noticed in myself, and with other parents I know, is that our emotions become so much more exposed to us—some learn to control them quickly while others more easily fly off the handle. Some do both—depending on the circumstance.

Parents feel their children’s pain—this can push us. We just want to stop the pain and bark at anyone who might get in the way or may be taking just a little too long to figure out what to do. Their pain hurts us more than our own. A good friend, Joanie, used to tell her son, “I wish I could just crawl inside and feel the pain for you.” I think we all feel that way.

Talia Silverman at 4 months

But I think we also see what’s important. Events that might have sent us reeling in our younger years wash over us like water and we stay calm, cool, and collected. That amazes me. A child can cry in our ear for an hour and we can keep our wits about us—a gift that seems to come to most of us with the birth or adoption of our children. Of course, falling hopelessly in love can do that to a person.We look into their eyes and, we’re there, we’re theirs, heart and soul.

Yes, we fall in love. I guess we have to—this keeps parents from losing their minds or asking their children to simply get out of the car when they are driving us nuts! The love is so strong it almost makes us feel sick. And we thought we knew love when we were in high school? Ha!

At Tallie’s “Welcome to the World” party, a friend of the family said something to me that really struck me. “Now you know how much your mother loves you.” Ahhh–the gift of perspective–although I hadn’t thought about it that way until that moment. There is someone out there that could feel about you how you feel about your kids.

As we get older, we do more and more for ourselves.  There is much less cuddling, snuggling, and hugging between parent and child.  This is to be expected. The teen years bring more friction, frustration, and individuation.  We spend less time together. We have more to do. Again, normal.  So its easy to forget  along the way just how intense our parents’ love is for us. The concrete physical reminder is less obvious. Time is spent quickly. Priorities shift.

And then, we have our our children and they shift again.

So as I sat with my child in the wee hours of the night of my birthday, I think that this year, to quote a family friend, “I’ve gained 10 pounds of joy.”  It’s 4am and yet, I’m happy to be right where I am–snuggled up to my daughter while feeding her as if she is an extension of myself, thinking she is the perfect child for us, and how she is the most beautiful birthday gift to the world. And then I stopped to remember,  my mother was probably thinking the same thing all those years ago. And ya know what? She probably still is.

Dr. Robyn Silverman signs

Yay for open Adoption! Introducing Tallie Paige Silverman

Thank you for all your kind comments about our daughter’s birth!

It’s great hear that many others have experienced the joy of adoption as well as open adoption, in particular.  It’s scary what’s out there– no wonder why many people are frightened.  Media sensationalism and publicized horror stories make birth moms out to be monsters and birth fathers to all be dead beat losers.  In every myth there may be truth for some but there is also a lot of phony baloney.  Our birth parents are normal, wonderful people who love each other and love our daughter.  We enjoy their company– and in fact, they’re coming over on Monday again so we can spend some time together before we leave and I can teach our birth mom how to make the turkey I made the other night for all of us for dinner.  We’re grateful for our relationship and know that it will be great for Tallie as she grows, to know them as the people who not only brought her into the world but also the people who loved her enough to give her the life they knew she deserved.  We love them!

Enjoy the video– and thanks again!

Dr. Robyn Silverman signs

Dr. Robyn Silverman Announces Birth of Daughter, Talia

silverman_familyDr. Robyn's daughter Talia

Hello everyone!

It’s been an exciting couple of days!  Many of you know that my husband and I have been matched to adopt our baby girl’s birth parents for 9 months.  Well, February 19th was the day!  Talia Paige Silverman was born on 2/19 at 10:19am weighing 5 pounds, 6 ounces and measuring 16 inches long.

Dr. Robyn holidng baby Talia

We are so grateful to have been there for her birth!  Our Tallie was supposed to be born on Monday, Febrary 24th after 6pm through induction.  However, she didn’t get the memo and decided that earlier was better.  Our birth mom went in for her check up last Tuesday and was already dialated to 3 centimeters– on Wednesday she was told her fluid was down to a 6 and our daughter would be here very soon.  Thursday was the day!  We flew out as soon as we heard that the induction was going to be moved up.  After delays in Atlanta, due to weather, we arrived in Oklahoma at 2am, went to our hotel, took a 55 minute nap, and were off to the hospital for the 6am induction.  Funny, I think our Talia was thinking “induction insmuction”– she was coming anyway.  Our birth mom was already at 4-5 centimeters!

Dr robyn in scrubs

With me, my husband, our birth mom and our birth father all in the delivery room, we felt surrounded by love and gratitude.  What a blessing.  Our birthmom only needed to push 1 1/2 times before Tallie made her way into the world.  After getting cleaned off, weighed and measured, and my husband cut the cord, she was handed to me for our first encounter.  She was beautiful and so small!  I had the honor of being able to introduce Talia to our birthmom, exactly as we all had planned it together, and it was one of the most beautiful and precious moments of my life.  We all felt like family before the birth and we became family after.

After spending a few days in the hospital with our little girl, we’re now settled into an apartment for a few days as the paperwork goes from state to state for approval.  It’s been an amazing few days.  We got together with our birth family for sushi the other night and I’ll be making a turkey dinner for everyone, including some extended family, tomorrow night.  Perhaps you might be surprised by that– but there has been nothing typical about this adoption.  It’s been a pleasure in everyway.

Dr. Robyn and daughter talia

Our birthmom courageously went to court this morning and did the most loving thing for Talia–legal custody is now ours.  She is the bravest, most thoughtful person we know.  It’s been such an honor to have gone on this journey with her.   Through countless text messages, phone calls, emails, and precious conversations, she has been so thoughtful to include me in every part of the pregnancy. I’ll discuss this more in future posts– but know this, adoption can be easy, and lovely, and wonderful in every way if you choose to make it that way, follow the signs, and open your heart.

Talia being held by Jason Silverman

I’m excited to share our unusual and spectacular experience with all of you. I’m even coaching some people through part of the process. In addition, our social worker, our birth mom, and myself are planning to run a teleconference so people can hear about our outstanding experience and how it can be. So contact us if you’re interested so we can send you some information when we plan it.

Please feel free to ask questions.  There are so many unfortunate myths about adoption itself, open adoption in particular, and US adoption to boot.  And while we acknowledge that not everyone has the same experience as we did– my point is, that it’s possible to have it this way– adoption doesn’t have to be a series of mishaps, broken hearts, and years on end of waiting. We are living the reality– and it’s wonderful. We’re proud of our journey and hope it will inspire others out there who are thinking about adoption…and perhaps even open adoption like ours.

The Proud Mommy,

Dr. Robyn Silverman signs

Dr. Robyn Silverman Announces…We’re Adopting a Baby!

OUr baby- 18 weeks in utero

Our baby- 18 weeks in utero-- Looking very content!

We’re adopting a baby!
Dr. Robyn Silverman

We’re excited to announce to our Powerful Parent community that we’re adopting a baby, due March 1st!  We’ve been matched with a wonderful couple since early July.  We couldn’t be more excited!

The picture above is from our ultrasound appointment that we went to in early October with our birth-parents.  We found out at that time, we would be having a daughter!

We’ll be going out for the birth in about 5-6 weeks and are honored to be included in the delivery room.

FAQ  about Dr. Robyn’s adoption:

(1) What country are you adopting from? United States

(2) Do you know what you’re having? It’s a girl!

(3) What kind of adoption is it? Open adoption. We speak/text with the birth parents often and have become quite close.  We adore them.  Our birth mom tell us what’s going on with the pregnancy, plays the CD we made for the baby each day, and sends us pictures as she grows.  She even sent us a picture of the baby kicking at her belly! We are thrilled that we’ll continue to have contact with them after the birth to update them on how the baby is doing, send them pictures, and visit, when possible! After doing a lot of reading on open adoption, we decided that it was the best option for us because we want our child to have the opportunity to ask questions, know who her birth parents are, and get the full story with no secrets. When we met our birth parents face to face, we were even more certain of our decision.

(4) Was the adoption process grueling? No, we’ve had a great experience.  Once we got approved for our home study, which happened very quickly, we were matched with our wonderful birth parents 15 days later.  It’s been a pleasure getting to know them and being a part of the pregnancy since our baby was only 5 weeks in utero. What an amazing blessing!

(5) Aren’t you nervous that…At first, of course we were nervous.  It was all so new! But as we’ve had the opportunity to talk, spend time, and get to know our birth-parents, we are certain of our decision just as our birth mom is certain of hers.  I think of myself as a great judge of character, after all, it’s what I do!  We really like and respect our birth parents and they’ve been forthright in expressing their feelings towards us and the adoption as well.  Our face to face visit with them in October made all 4 us know we were destined to meet. Since then, our mutual positive feelings for each other have been reaffirmed time and time again.

Feel free to ask questions.  We are so happy about our adoption and are grateful for all the love and support that our friends and family have given us during this incredibly special time.  We wanted to let you in on the good news as well.

Warm regards,

Dr. Robyn Silverman signs

Dr. Robyn

Some other blogs that cover adoption/children who were adopted:

Mother Issues

Mamahood and more

Hearts Wide Open