Stuck, Stagnant and Stymied: Defining your Who, What, Where, When, and Why for 2009

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Stuck, Stagnant and Stymied:

Redefining your Who, What, Where, When, and Why for 2009

Dr. Robyn J.A. Silverman

Where did the time go? Didn’t we have definite plans for 2008? Goals? We were going to get to it. But alas, we didn’t. And now it’s January…2009.

My gosh, we waste a lot of time. Procrastination comes in all forms. Email. We searches. Blackberries. Yes, and we know who you are.

Alright; I’ll confess. I’ve just entered the world of FaceBook. Go ahead, “friend” me! It’s a really cool tool that’s reconnected me with friends and colleagues of the past and present. This is both positive and negative. More connections can lead to heightened opportunity, greater feelings of unity, and growth. More connections can also lead to more senseless yapping on the internet, addictive checking of messages, re-exposed high school wounds we would have liked to have left untouched, and yes, lots and lots of wasted time. I sometimes find myself searching around for blasts from the past without any good reason for doing so. And no, curiosity isn’t really that good of an excuse.

We’re quick to blame other people and our “situations” for our lack of concentration and progress. But at the beginning of the New Year, perhaps it’s time to reclaim our control and ask ourselves what’s really happening and how WE can take action to fix it. Let’s make 2009 the year we get “it” done! After all, aren’t we all sick of mediocrity?

(1) Who? It’s time to get honest. Who can you be around and still get the work done that needs to get done? Spouse? Friends? Pets? Who hurts your progress? Who distracts you? Who makes you feel incapable, incompetent, or anxious?

(2) What? Break it down: What do I really have to do? What are the bite-sized pieces that I can put on my to-do list? What’s the plan for today, this week, this month—and what’s my overarching timeline? What can keep me on track?

(3) Where? We often forget to think about our location and how it serves (or doesn’t serve) us and our specific purpose. Where do I flourish, feel productive and make progress? When I look at where I work, what should the space look like for maximum productivity? Where do I lose my focus? Where am I more apt to succumb to distractions? Get honest with yourself. Perhaps a location-change or a space-overhaul is just what you need.

(4) When? Many of you, just like my coaching clients, are not just parents, teachers or business owners. We wear a lot of hats. Still, we do need to take control as best as we can. Ask yourself; When it my best time of day for innovation, business maintenance, or strategic planning? When is my worst time? When do I get tired? When we determine our optimal “when,” our plans become real and certain.

(5) Why? The “why” of our business determines motivation, inspiration, and enthusiasm for every project. Ask yourself; Why am I doing this? Why do I care? Without a “why,” your life will feel empty, dull, and pointless. Whether you do what you do for the good of yourself, the good of your family, or the good of mankind, make sure the reason is compelling so that it consistently inspires you to move forward every day.

First, breathe.  Stand back and really think. You may need a great success coach to work through it all with you. These simple yet powerful overarching questions will inspire you to determine the answers that are vital to your success. Get honest with yourself, answer the questions, and allow your responses to shape the circumstances of your success.

COACHING CLASS! As a success coach, I’m setting up another parenting coaching group for motivated adults who want to make 2009 their year for goal success. Interested? SPACE IS EXTREMELY LIMITED. This group is starting very soon- please let us know that you plan on participating. Fill out the form on my website and I’ll send you more information! PowerDay retreats also available.

Dr. Robyn Silverman signs

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10 Tips on Teaching Respect to Children: You can’t get it if you don’t give it!

Quick Tips on Teaching respect to children

By: Dr. Robyn J.A. Silverman

I remember reading an issue of Family Fun Magazine in which behavior specialist Jan Faull asks, “How will the child learn respect if you don’t teach it, expect it and model it yourself?”

Good point. I recently was coaching a parent who told me in exasperation, “I am teaching respect but I can’t get any respect!” She was desperately seeking parenting advice. Upon digging deeper, she told me that she found herself screaming at her children when they did not do as she asked. After much discussion and parenting coaching technique, the mother came to realize that by screaming, she was teaching the very thing she hated; disrespect.

Children will take their cues from you. Simply put, if children are around respectful adults, they’re more likely to show respect, however, when they’re around disrespectful adults, they’re more likely to show disrespectful behavior. Yelling, cursing, grabbing, shouting over, and sarcasm are transferable! “Young ones will eventually express themselves as you do, but realize it takes years of effective teaching to refine those skills” Family Fun Magazine writer, Faull, wrote. This is accurate when on both the positive side and the negative side. When you speak with respect to your children, they learn respect. When you speak with disrespect, they learn that just as well.

10 Parenting Tips for Teaching Respect and Curbing Disrespect:

(1) Model it: If you want them to do it, you have to do it too.

(2) Expect it: When your expectations are reasonably high, children rise to the occasion.

(3) Teach it: Give children the tools they need to show you respect. Your Powerful Words Family School, can assist you with the lessons.

(4) Praise it: When you see or hear your children using respectful language and making respectful choices, recognize it and praise them for making positive, respectful decisions.

(5) Discuss it: Pick out times when you see other children using respectful or disrespectful language or behavior and discuss with it your children.

(6) Correct it: Be strong, firm and direct when teaching respect. At the same time, be sure you are being respectful yourself while correcting the behavior.

(7) Acknowledge it: Don’t just let things slide! Be sure to notice when respectful behavior is being exhibited and make sure to call them on disrespectful behavior!

(8) Understand it: Your children are growing and learning. Sometimes word choice and behavioral decisions are made because they do not have the correct words or behavior to relay “I’m tired,” “I’m frustrated,” or “I’m angry.”

(9) Reinforce it: Remind children of their good decisions so that they remember how it felt, the praise they received, and the overall experience of being respectful.

(10) Reward it: Respectful behavior should be something that children want to do without overindulgent rewards. However, it is good to associate respectful behavior with intangible rewards such as praise, recognition, extra responsibility, and privileges.

Teaching respect takes patience, time, and a willingness to do as you preach. Time isn’t everything though, is it? It takes years to rear a respectful child and only moments to fill one with anger and disrespect. Which one do you choose?

Have a wonderful weekend filled with respect-

Child and teen development expert, Dr. Robyn Silverman, provides candid, easy-to-follow tips that make her a favorite among parents and educators. Known as “The Character Queen,” she’s the creator of the Powerful Words Character Toolkit, a character education system that’s being used by over 500 of the top after school activity programs worldwide. She’s been the featured expert in articles for Parents and Prevention Magazines, the Washington Post, and other regional and national publications. Dr. Robyn, as she is affectionately called by those with whom she works, was also recently a featured parenting expert on the nation radio show with Dr. Drew Pinsky. For more information or to contact Dr. Robyn, visit her Powerful Parenting Blog or her website .