Earthquake Response: How to help children cope when a disaster strikes

photo from: MSNBC: XINHUA via AFP- Getty Images

The tragic earthquake may have occurred in China, but it has rocked the whole world. Especially due to the very high death toll and the percentage of children lost in the disaster, hearts around the world are heavy.

Whenever a worldwide tragedy occurs, children look to their parents to make sense of it all. They may be wondering to themselves, will this happen to us? Is our family safe? Is our school safe? And the even more elusive, why did this happen?

It’s normal for children, just like parents and educators, to feel confused and scared. And even though many parents may shield their children from the news, information can easily seep out through friends and the media. It’s important for parents and educators to be available and ready.

Here are some things to remember:

(1) Stay calm: Children are looking to you to see how to react. By staying calm and in control, children will feel more safe and secure.

(2) Be available: Your children may need you to simply “be there” to listen or sit with them. Sometimes the most powerful parenting takes place when we say nothing at all.

(3) Reassure them: Make sure that the children know that the adults are taking care of the problem and working hard to take care of the people who are hurt or lost.

(4) Let them know that they’re safe: If you know that your children and your family members are indeed safe, be sure to let your children know. If this is not accurate information and safety is still in question, don’t lie. Reassure your children that the adults in charge are doing everything they can do to keep everyone as safe as possible.

(5) Comfort them: Allow them to cry, question, and show concern. Don’t shrug them off and tell them to “stop worrying.” This does not help. Tell them it’s OK to be scared or sad and that you’re available to them if they want to talk or just be together.

(6) Be observant: All children won’t express their concern, grief, or fear outwardly. You know your child. Sometimes your child will become very quiet or lose their appetite when something tragic happens. Some children will be more likely to have a reaction—perhaps due to past trauma, special needs, or emotional sensitivity. Be there for your child and know that even if your child is not showing outward signs of grief, s/he may still need your help.

(7) Keep your normal routine: As much as possible, keep your children’s schedule “as usual.” Children are comforted by predictability. However, if your child needs some time with you or isn’t sleeping, be flexible.

(8 ) Be honest: Tell your children the truth about the event, as is appropriate for their developmental level. Children don’t need to know all the gory details—this will only serve to make them more scared and confused. However, don’t pretend or lie. Stick to the facts and don’t exaggerate or speculate. Children are very perceptive and need to know that they can trust you to tell them the truth.

(9) Partner with your children’s school: Find out what resources are available to the children during the school day if they’re feeling scared or unsure. If a personal tragedy happened, make sure the guidance counselor and your child’s teacher knows about it. School can provide your children with comfort by being with friends but also with counseling, as needed.

(10) Limit the media onslaught: The best people to talk to your children about these tragic events are trusted family and educators. Do not allow the media to educate your children about these disasters. The media often talks about high death tolls and shows gruesome pictures that are not developmentally appropriate for children to see. If you want your children to know the facts, as appropriate, talk to them yourself.

Lastly, your children (and you) may feel better by taking action. We’ve been talking about compassion all month in our Powerful Words member schools and this would be a good time to put character into action. In times of tragedy, children may not be able to help directly but they can send letters, draw pictures, write poems, send food or supplies or donate some of their allowance to help relief efforts. This kind of action can be incredibly helpful to your children as well as those who are in need.

For more information on talking to your children go here.

Families in China and those who have lost anyone in this tragedy, we’re praying for you. You’re in our thoughts.

Beyonce’s Sesame Street Walkers: Bootylicious Babes or Pimped Out Preemies?

Welcome to “Girls Gone Wild,” Little Tykes Addition. These ads featuring Dereon Girls clothes might provide a momentary laugh if they came out of an old “dress-up box” or if the girls were doing a mock “Pussy Cat Dolls presents Girlicious” audition. But the idea that they’re aimed for public view is alarming.

Still raw from the Miley Cyrus Mess, people are weighing in and they’re not happy with what they’re seeing.

According to New York Post’s Michelle Malkin,

If you thought the soft-porn image of Disney teen queen Miley Cyrus - wearing nothing but ruby-stained lips and a bedsheet - in Vanity Fair magazine was disturbing, you ain’t seen nothing yet. [The young models] are seductively posed and tarted up, JonBenet Ramsey-style, with lipstick, blush and face powder…The creepiness factor is heightened by the fact that women were responsible for marketing this child exploitation. So, what’s next? Nine-year-olds performing stripper routines?

So why are these sexualized images such a problem?

Media, such as magazine ads, TV, video games, and music videos can have a detrimental effect on children.

Not only has the sexualization of girls and women in the media lead to mounting public concern, researchers continue to find that the images (and sexual objectification) can have a profound affect on the confidence, body image, dieting behaviors, emotional wellbeing and sexual development of girls. Dr Eileen Zurbriggen, associate professor of psychology at the University of California, Santa Cruz and the chair of the APA task force on the sexualization of girls is scrutinizing these issues;

“The consequences of the sexualisation of girls in media today are very real,” said “We have ample evidence to conclude that sexualisation has negative effects in a variety of domains, including cognitive functioning, physical and mental health, and healthy sexual development.”

What do they mean by sexualization?

When researchers speak of sexualization, they’re referring to when a person’s value come from their sexual appeal (looks) or their sexual behavior and when the person is looked upon as a sexual object, to the exclusion of other characteristics such as character, intelligence, and ability.

Examples:

• Dolls with pouty lips, mini-skirts, and fish-net stockings aimed at the 4-8 year old market place
• Thongs marked for young girls ages 7 to 10 years old (some printed with slogans like “eye candy” and “wink wink” on them).
• Young pop-stars and celebrities dressed provocatively or inappropriately
• Video games with sexualized images like “Miss Bimbo“
• Cartoon-clad thongs for teens

But are children and teens really that impressionable?

While there hasn’t been a body of work that directly links sexualized images in ads and electronic media to problems in girls, individual studies strongly suggest that a link may be evident when it comes to media and eating disorders, low self-esteem and depression in girls. For example;

• Adolescent girls who frequently read magazine articles that featured articles about dieting were more likely five years later to engage in extreme weight-loss practices such as vomiting than girls who never read such articles.

• Middle school girls who read articles about dieting (compared to those who did not read such articles) were twice as likely to try to lose weight 5 years later by fasting or smoking cigarettes. These girls were also three times more likely to use extreme weight loss practices such as taking laxatives or vomiting to lose weight.

• The average person sees between 400-600 ads per day

• About 7 of 10 girls say that they want to look like a character on TV

• After just 10 minutes of exposure, the researchers found that the groups that had watched the music videos with the thin, attractive stars, exhibited the largest increase in body dissatisfaction in comparison to those who simply listed to the songs of completed the memory task with the neutral words. In addition, and perhaps the most troubling, it did not matter whether the girls had high or low self esteem to begin with—they were all equally affected.

• About 41% of teen girls report that magazines are their most important source of information with regard to dieting and health and 61% of teen girls read at least one fashion magazine often.

But here’s the real deal:

Be vigilant about the media that’s delivered through your mail slot. Be conscious about the messages that are conveyed in your living room. If you don’t like what you see:

(1) Don’t buy it: Beyonce may make the clothes but you make the decisions. Only you can determine what comes through your doors from the mall and what goes out your door to school.

(2) Shut it off: No; you can’t be with your child at all times but it’s important to supervise the media flow into your household. There are plenty of parental locks and internet blocks that can put your in control.

(3) Talk about it: Let your child know your values and why you don’t think what the ads are portraying is a smart choice for her or your family.

(4) Ask questions: You may be surprised by your child’s view of the media. They may be more savvy than you think. Ask what she thinks about what she’s seeing—be present—and listen.

(5) Expose her to positive images: There are several positive role models in the media. However, don’t put all your eggs in one basket (we saw what happened with Miley and Jamie Lynn Spears). Open up your children’s world to actual living, breathing, 3-Dimentional role models in your community so that they can be inspired by something well beyond what they see on TV or in clothing ads.

Some decision-makers might be making fools of themselves by “pimping out” little girls in ads or draping a 15 year old tween queen in a sheet and sending it out to print, but you’re still the parent. Continue to instill values in your young children and they’ll be more likely to focus their attention away from these tween tarts and dolls gone wild and towards more appropriate activities; like playing dress up and watching Sesame Street.

Parent Alienation: Five Ways Parents Can Help Children of Divorce, Part 2

This is a Part 2 of guest blogger and divorce expert, Christina McGhee’s article on Parental Alienation, Children, and Divorce. Part 1 is here.

Parent Alienation, also known as PAS, is often viewed as a black or white issue. It has been my experience that alienation exists on a continuum and often falls in shades of gray. It can range from mild, which includes consistent derogatory remarks, subtly placing children in situations where they are asked to take sides or scheduling activities during the other parent’s scheduled time with a child, to very severe, which involves parents blatantly interfering with contact, rewarding a child’s rejection of the other parent, making abuse allegations or insisting that the other parent is bad, evil or someone to be feared. If PAS is suspected intervention needs to be guided by the assessment of a qualified experienced professional. (From Part 1 of Parental Alienation by Christina McGhee)

What Can Parents Do to Help Their Children?

1. Understand the Dynamics of the Problem: More often that not, parents do not understand the dynamics of PAS until it is too late or the situation has become severe. If you feel that the other parent is making attempts to sabotage your relationship raise your level of awareness and understanding about Parent Alienation. There are several excellent resources online regarding PAS, for more information click here or visit this resource page.

2. Maintain Contact with Children: Do what you can to maintain regular consistent contact with your child. The primary mode of operation for alienating parents is you are either for me or against me. Children learn early on that if they do not side with the alienator, they risk rejection. Having seen how the alienator has dealt with the target parent is a clear and ever present reminder of this. When a parent withdraws from a child’s life or does not maintain consistent contact children are defenseless against the alienation. Not only does it reinforce the alienator perspective, it also does not give children the opportunity to have an alternate perception of reality.

3. Don’t Take the Rejection or Rude Behaviors of Your Children Personally: While your children may be giving you every indication that they don’t want you involved, children still need you. Even if it is not acknowledged, knowing that you care and are available can be incredibly valuable to children dealing with the pressure inflicted by an alienating parent. It may seem like a small consolation but in most cases, children feel more secure in their relationship with the target parent because they do not put the child in a position where they are forced to choose.

4. Get Professional Support: Dealing with parent alienation is a marathon not a sprint. The journey to repair your relationship with your children may be long and often requires an enormous amount of patience and persistence. Seek out professional support to help you manage the stress and emotional drain that parents frequently experience when rejected by a child.

5. Utilize the Legal System When Necessary: When alienation is present, it almost always requires legal intervention. Many parents are reluctant to engage in litigation with the alienator either because they fear making things worse for children or because the family court or a legal professional has minimized the situation. While there are many family lawyers who are educated and knowledgeable about PAS, many still are not. Make sure the lawyer you are working with understands the dynamics of alienation and if necessary seek out an experienced professional to offer case consultation.

While PAS is not present in every situation, the best intervention is prevention. Regardless of the other parent’s actions, engage in positive co-parenting behaviors early on and do what you can to maintain a healthy relationship with your children, so that intervention, even in the early stages, will not be necessary.

Christina McGhee is a respected colleague and expert in divorce and children. She’s got some great tips for families who are going through divorce!

Photo credit: Jupiter Images

Making Sense of Parent Alienation: Misconceptions, Divorce and Children, Part 1

Dr. Robyn’s Powerful Parenting Blog welcomes guest blogger, colleague and children of divorce expert, Christina McGhee This is part 1 of a two article series.

Making Sense of Parent Alienation

By: Christina McGhee

“I have a very special piece of jewelry that was given to me by my grandmother on my father’s side. I wear it almost everyday. Even though my grandmother died several years ago, whenever my mother sees me wearing it, she makes some kind of derogatory or negative comment about her…It’s like saying half of you is okay and half of you isn’t.” –Jane, adult survivor of PAS

A couple of months ago I received a call from a distressed and angry Mom who was obviously very bitter about her experience with the Family Court system. During our brief conversation, it became clear that she did not view parental alienation as a real or valid issue.

From her perspective it was merely a courtroom tactic designed to give abusive fathers access to children and to further exploit mothers who were trying to protect children. She also did not hesitate to share her opinion of professionals who supported the existence of parent alienation. Luckily, I have a thick skin and some experience in dealing with angry parents. Still I must admit the conversation left me feeling somewhat unsettled.

The issue of parent alienation usually invokes lots of strong opinions and feelings on both sides. In some ways, this mother’s attitude is an example of the all or nothing attitude regarding parental alienation that is embraced by many. While awareness has increased over the past several years, alienation has been and still is a hot bed of controversy in many professional circles and family court jurisdictions.

As a professional, I have had an opportunity to stand on both sides of the fence. I have seen cases where the family court system has not protected the needs of children by either minimizing the need for safety or by creating unwarranted obstacles for parents desperately trying to maintain a relationship with their children. Unfortunately in many of these cases more energy has been given to the “he said, she said” debate than to the needs of the child.

When parents, professionals and family courts get mired down in the supporting the extremes, it is like throwing the baby out with the bath water. Parental alienation is a real problem for many separating and divorcing families. While children’s safety must be a top priority, we cannot and must not forget we have a responsibility to protect children’s relationships with both Mom and Dad.

Jane’s story, Living with PAS

Even though she was a young adult when her parents finally divorced, the alienation was no less intense. She remembers her parents having problems long before their separation and describes her family life as living in a constant state of either or. Her mother insisted the children choose this family or that one, Mom’s side or Dad’s side, a problem she still struggles with today. The stress generated for her growing up was so strong that she remembers feeling anxious most of the time, having lots of stomach aches, shedding many tears and feeling very isolated.

Looking back Jane says the difficult thing about living with PAS was, “That it is so subtle and so insidious that you don’t realize what is happening. You just think this is the way your family is”. Almost a decade later, through counseling and with encouragement from her husband, Jane was eventually able to reestablish a relationship with her father.

The damage of the alienation by Jane’s mother also created a rift between her and her younger sister. Feeling a strong need to take their mother’s side, her younger sister was not able to accept Jane’s’ need for a relationship with their father and has since disconnected herself from Jane’s life. Even though Jane understands the dynamics of her situation, she still struggles with feelings of guilt and loyalty conflicts to this day. Through maintaining boundaries and letting go of unrealistic expectations Jane is learning how to manage her relationship with her mother.

Misconceptions about Parent Alienation

1. It either is or isn’t. Parent Alienation, also known as PAS, is often viewed as a black or white issue. It has been my experience that alienation exists on a continuum and often falls in shades of gray. It can range from mild, which includes consistent derogatory remarks, subtly placing children in situations where they are asked to take sides or scheduling activities during the other parent’s scheduled time with a child, to very severe, which involves parents blatantly interfering with contact, rewarding a child’s rejection of the other parent, making abuse allegations or insisting that the other parent is bad, evil or someone to be feared. If PAS is suspected intervention needs to be guided by the assessment of a qualified experienced professional.

2. If children do not want to see a parent then the other parent must be guilty of alienation. There are actually many reasons why children may be reluctant to spend time with one of their parents. In some cases, a parent may alienate themselves from a child by withdrawing from their lives, trying to discredit the other parent or by engaging in harmful, abusive or destructive behavior. When a parent does not take responsibility for their part, children may choose to distance themselves. If your child does not want to spend time with you, think through how you may have added to the problem. Unfortunately, some parents jump to the conclusion that the other parent is responsible for the situation without first considering other possibilities.

Again, this is where a comprehensive evaluation by a court ordered professional can be helpful.

3. If children do not want to see a parent, that parent should respect the children’s wishes. While forcing your children to spend time with you is not recommended, neither is taking a passive stance. If your child is stating they do not want to spend time with you, it is okay to let them know you are disappointed. Support their feelings by offering possible alternatives, like spending an afternoon together versus the entire weekend. Maintain your focus on continued positive contact with your child. Shorter consistent periods of time that enhance your relationship are better than no time at all. Over time, you can work on gradually increasing the amount of time you and your children spend together.

4. Alienating behaviors of a parent always results in rejection by children. Actually, there are some circumstances where parents can take steps to actively protect their relationship with children and minimize the impact of alienation. Often timing and intervention make a significant difference. The sooner parents and children have access to support and information the less likely they are to fall victim to the negative and destructive aspects of separation and divorce.

5. If children do not reject a parent then alienation is not occurring. In an article about how to detect PAS, researchers J. Michael Bone and Michael Walsh coin the term “attempted PAS”, which refers to situations where the dynamics and characteristics of PAS are present but children have not been successfully alienated. Although alienation may not appear to be successful it is important to realize the effects are still very toxic to children and therefore the relationship between the target parent and the child still requires protection.

Stay tuned for part 2 of this article, “What Parents Can do about Parent Alienation” coming this week.

More Video Games to Keep Kids Inside?

I’m all for fun, educational games. And on rainy days, really cold days, or sick days, they’re a great option. They can even be a good option when children need a “wind-down” time– although a book can be a better choice. But over the last few days we’ve talked about the great benefits of children’s outside play. Do we really want to entice them to stay inside more?

As you can imagine, after reading the New York Times article on all the new video games out there for preschool and school-age kids, I’ve got mixed emotions.

Planned for this fall in conjunction with the release of the animated movie “Tinker Bell,” Disney Fairies Pixie Hollow (www.PixieHollow.com) will be aimed at girls aged 6 to 12 who want to turn themselves into fairies…But special powers will be granted to those who buy a fairy bracelet..If you want to get your fairy onto your friend’s buddy list, you will need to buy a certain charm and touch it to your friend’s bracelet.

Play fairies online? What happened to “playing fairies” with a dress-up box, Mom’s old make-up, and the woods or an old tree stump as your back-drop?

Lego Universe (www.legouniverse.com), coming next year, will offer a new way to play: in a world consisting entirely of virtual Legos. “Imagine tens or thousands of people, from all over the world, working together on a single project,” said Mark Hansen, director of business development at Lego and the head of the project, from his studio in Denmark. “They can work together, and build a model of a city like Washington, D.C. Just about anything can be constructed or smashed apart.”

I thought the whole idea of “playing legos” was…well, actually playing with legos. Perhaps I’m starting to sound a bit old fashioned but the development of fine-motor skills is not developed by simply clicking a mouse.

While some of these games do take some kind of critical thinking and an altered way of interacting with others “incognito” from around the world, they take away physical person-to-person interaction (a terrific way to let your imagination soar) and the actual movement it takes to physically play these games. If children are spending time playing these games, what aren’t they doing?

I also wonder about who is on the other side of the game. When we used to “play fairies” when we were little, Mom knew who we were playing with– the children were in plain site. On the computer, your child is making friends with little children from around the world…or at least, that’s who we think they are.

Tips for parents on children’s video game consumption:

• Check developmental age: Makes sure that the game is developmentally appropriate for your child. Check ratings.
• Ensure location: Install computer equipment and special games in a common-area computer. This will help you control the amount of time played, what is being played, and with whom.
• Set limits: Set limits on how often and how long your child is allowed to play video games.
• Monitor media consumption: Whether it’s video games, TV, movies or the Internet, make sure you know what your children are playing and watching.
• Supervise: While you don’t need to hover, supervise and be available when your children are online. While the games are for children, remember, the online world opens up your child and your home to all kinds of people.
• Discuss: Talk about the games your children are playing as well as what appropriate and what’s not appropriate. Ask your children how they feel about what they’re seeing, playing, or watching. Be sure to let your children know that if s/he feels uncomfortable at anytime with anyone who s/he is playing with, that s/he should tell you immediately.
• Make sure they get outside! Even if these internet games are fun and entertaining, they should not take the place of a child’s exploration and playtime outside.

To continue our discussion from the other day; how do Young Kids Benefit from playing outside?

Babies: There are so many wonderful colors, sounds, shapes and smells that can stimulate the senses.

Toddlers: For toddlers who’ve just learned to walk, playing outside can help them develop their large muscle groups. Toddlers should participate in one to two hours of activity a day that provide “structured” and “unstructured” time. Structured play, (i.e. games, after-school activities like gymnastics or dance) helps toddlers learn to follow directions and cooperation, while unstructured time (i.e. playground play, pretend play) stimulates imagination.

Preschoolers and School-age Children: Outside play allows your preschooler and school-age child to further develop his physical fitness. There’s great playground equipment that helps the development of the many muscles in the body. Nature play can open a whole world of plants and animals and can stimulate creativity, concentration, imagination and learning. Playgrounds have all kinds of equipment from monkey bars to the sandbox to swings and slides. Playground play also gives children the opportunity to make friends, connect, negotiate, and cooperate.

Through Physical Play children learn:

• The amazing things their bodies can do. They learn to run, climb, or throw—all things that are discouraged indoors.
• Confidence in their physical and social abilities
• Leadership skills, taking turns, cooperation, and negotiation
• How to work in groups
• The secrets and wonders of nature—their first exposure to science.
• How to make up their own “outside” games with props and equipment that can only be found outdoors.
• How to build, shovel, bury and dig using sand and special sandbox tools

As we discussed the other day, as long as equipment is safe and supervision is good, the playground can be a wonderful place to learn and grow.

Whether inside or outside, the world is at your children’s feet. Now it’s up to parents to help their children learn where to spend their time.

Enjoy the weekend!

Eating Disorders Revealed: Interview with High Schoolers Who Used Their Challenges to Inspire Others

All teens deal with struggles in their lives. It takes a powerful teen to admit she has a problem, work through her challenges, and use what she’s learned to help others. This article is the result of an interview with Alex Shabo, a teen who is recovering from an eating disorder and helping others in the process. (Photo credit: Carol Britton Meyer)

Alex Shabo and Jasmine Benger are battling their eating disorders in public. And they’re winning.

These 2 high school students from the idyllic New England town, Hingham, Massachusetts (a town nearby to where I live) hosted an open forum entitled “Our Body- Our Sacrificial Self.” The presentation was an effort to bring awareness to eating disorders and help give support to others who are facing similar challenges.

“Women’s bodies have become material objects, and both men and women have begun to treat them as such,” Shabo and Benger agree. “Self-awareness can be lost beneath overwhelming, restrictive societal values and attitudes – which can lead to a distorted image of body, loss of self, and eating disorders.” (Wicked Local)

Jasmine’s eating disorder began in freshman year:

“It started as innocent dieting, if there is such a thing. I was trying to be healthier, watching what I ate, and it slowly turned into an obsession,” she said. “Pretty soon I’d cut out so many essential nutrients that I didn’t have the wherewithal to be like: ‘This is so messed up.’ I was really sick.” (Patriot Ledger)

Alex was a sophomore when her eating disorder began:

“I started dieting, to be healthy,” she said. “That’s what’s being thrown at you, that dieting is a way of life, a way you should live your life.”

I had the pleasure of interviewing the Alex personally so that they can help us understand how best to help our daughters and help us to better understand the challenges they face:

How was the turn out at the eating disorders forum you hosted?

We were very amazed by the turn out at our forum and we are actually doing at least four more for elementary schools, the middle school and the high school in Hingham.

What specific signs would you advise other parents to look for in their girls to figure out whether their daughters might have an eating disorder?

There aren’t always the physical signs that come out first for an eating disorder patient. Although anorexia does have the physical component (rapid weight loss), bulimia and binge eating disorder do not. Some signs besides the drop in weight is skipping meals, restricting on certain foods (fats, carbs, etc.), counting calories, going to the bathroom for a while right after meals… I know there are many more but it really differs for all cases. I know something that my mom said at the forum that was very powerful was that parents don’t want to see this sort of behavior in their child and tend to ignore it. A lot of parents wait till they get comments from outside sources which can sometimes be too late. The best thing for parents to do is to talk to their kid when they see any change in behaviors socially or regarding food.

What are 3-5 pieces of advice that you would give to other parents of girls who are grappling with an image conscious society?

MODERATION: In a society where diets are telling you to not have this and avoid that, it is best to enjoy everything in moderate amounts. You can still be eating but not eat the right things and still really put your body in harms way. I see moderation as eating what you feel like eating and enjoying it rather than obsessing over the calories. If you give your body what it is craving, you are least likely to have any obsessive thoughts. Moderation is definitely one of the most difficult parts to achieve in our society.

Be aware of what you say; self awareness: A lot of people find commenting on how a person looks as a way to determine their emotions. It is a sad reality but it is what people feed off of to determine their own outlook on themselves. There is really no need to talk about calories, diets, or the bodies of others. I would just say it is important to be mindful of what you say because you never know how it will affect people around you.

Don’t encourage a dieting household: I am always shocked when I meet girls who are struggling with eating disorders who has a mom on a diet at their house. Not only is there diet food around but now they have a mom stressing out over her body as much as she is. Diets really are a short-term relief and are not always the most nutritious for our bodies.

Would you say that other girls in Hingham are having similar problems with eating disorders but have not come forward? What made you come forward and talk about this when other girls in your class and school have not?

This is one of the most frustrating parts about our forum. Our town is brought up on perfection and image. Everyone has a greener lawn than the one next to them and competition is definitely high. Eating disorders are very secretive because the reaction from people can be so diverse. Some people understand and really take pride in a person being honest but most kids at our school just don’t understand it and don’t wish to learn. Immediately, you are judged by what you are eating, what you aren’t eating, how you look this day or that day. I was definitely nervous about putting our names out there because now everyone wants to see ‘what does someone who is recovering do/eat/look’.

I honestly, find closure and help in talking about my eating disorder. It really motivates me to stay on track in my recovering. Keeping it a secret is a burden that really cripples recovery. Rather than concentrating on helping yourself, you are trying to hide this huge secret from the rest of the world. Also, if we don’t talk about, it won’t get better. If it keeps being swept under the rug more girls and boys will develop it because they are just so uninformed.

Alex and Jasmine plan to have more forums for parents and students in the area.

Congratulations on using your challenges to help others. You are truly Powerful Girls. It took great courage, tenacity, and confidence to come forward, take control of your problems, and motivate others to do the same. You’ve likely inspired many people!

Everyone Inside! Texting and Threat of Mulch Wars Keeps Kids off Playground at ChildCare

No Playground for Kids in Child Care: Why More Kids are Staying Inside

Flip flops. No coat. The threat of Mulch Wars.

According to the New York Times, these are just some of the surprising reasons why some children are banned from the playground, as found in a new study on children’s physical activity out of Cincinnati’s Children’s Hospital Medical Center.

“It’s things we never expected, from flip flops, mulch near the playground, children who come to child care without a coat on chilly days, to teachers talking or texting on cell phones while they were supposed to be supervising the children,” –Kristen Copeland, M.D., lead author of the study, funded by the National Heart, Lung and Blood Institute.

The Problem:

With the threat of more children leading a sedentary lifestyle due to more exposure to video games, TV, and the internet, (not to mention the overemphasis on high stakes testing and the negation of recess and gym in many schools) it’s concerning that children are spending more time indoors, even during allocated free-time or recess.

Lack of physical activity can lead to many health problems. In addition, as we discussed yesterday, children who don’t spend enough time playing outdoors can be deprived of important social interactions and natural stimulation that can aid in positive youth development.

The contemporary decline in children’s physical fitness and the rapidly growing incidence of childhood obesity and related diseases are prompting a new look at the role of active outdoor play in enhancing children’s development, fitness, and health. –The Developmental Benefits of Playgrounds, by Joe L. Frost, Pei-San Brown, John A. Sutterby, and Candra D. Thornton

The Stats:

• More than ½ of American children, ages 3-6 years old spend some time in child care centers or preschools
• Studies have shown that children who play outside for about 90 minutes each day in good weather have a lower risk of heart trouble later in life.
• Outside play is great for children’s physical, emotional, social, and cognitive development
• About 74% of US children aged 3-6 years are in some form of non-parental child care.
• Outdoor environments are important to children’s development of independence and autonomy (Bartlett 1996).
• Play in outdoor environments stimulates all aspects of children development more readily than indoor environments (Moore & Wong 1997).
• Professor Lamine Mahdjoubi, of the University of the West of England (UWE), said a lack of outdoor exercise causes heart problems and diabetes.

The Study:

The staff from 34 child care centers in the Cincinnati area were surveyed to learn about how children spend their time in day care and to determine some of the reasons why the children may or may not be spending time outside.

They conducted focus groups with 49 staff members in total. Centers included Montessori, Head Start and centers in the inner city and suburban areas.

Issues:

Inappropriate clothing or footware: Some children were coming to daycare in flip flops and no coat on a chilly day. In some child care centers, it only takes one child who is dressed inappropriately to keep the entire group inside.

Parent sabotage: The researchers reported that, according to some child-care staff, some parents intentionally sent their child to class without a coat or with the wrong footware. Staff attributed this parental sabotage to concerns about the child getting dirty, having a cold, or not wanting their child to go outside.

More work, less play: Staff also cited that they felt pressure from parents to keep the children’s attention on cognitive development through reading and writing rather than on gross motor and socio-emotional skills that children often learn on the playground.

Mulch: Aside from staff concerns about mulch getting into the children’s shoes, the mulch that surrounded many playgrounds was not being used properly.

“Many said that the kids eat the mulch, or use it as weapons, or it gets caught in their shoes. It also requires constant upkeep. It’s certainly not something that we had anticipated as an issue, but judging by the amount of and intensity of the discussions among child care teachers, it really is.” –Kristen Copeland, M.D.

Distracted Teachers: Instead of supervising and interacting with the children, some staff reported that teachers were talking or texting on cell phones while the children were on the playground.

Not a fan of the outdoors: If the staff member was not a “cold-weather person,” or she believes it’s too much work to bundle and unbundled the children, children may not get out onto the playground.

Feeling Fat: Some child care workers reported that feeling that they were overweight kept them from encouraging children’s physical activity.

What do you think? Valid or invalid? What’s your experience with child care facilities and outdoor play?

Tune in tomorrow so we can continue this discussion…

Imagination Playground: The Vital Role of Play in a Child’s Life

Play is an important part of a child’s development. We all have seen the traditional “monkey bars,” swings, and jungle gyms. But when architect, David Rockwell, came up with a concept for a playground—he thought outside of the box.

According to yesterday’s New York Times:

Instead of monkey bars and jungle gyms, there are blue and white blocks to stack into high walls or to connect as sluices and walkways. In place of swing sets and seesaws, there are wheelbarrows and rolling carts to move materials about. And while there are still the familiar elements of sand and water, they are no longer there to be shoveled and splashed so much as turned into landscapes of fanciful design.

Believe it or not— “Imagination Playground,” is taking the place of an empty parking lot near the South Street Seaport in Lower Manhattan. It’s purpose to provide a more engaging space for children. What a great way to use vacant space!

A unique child-centric downtown oasis, Imagination Playground combines sand, water, “loose parts” and play associates to encourage a constantly changing environment where children can play, dream and build. Activity is mixed with creativity by providing diverse materials to promote unstructured “free play.”

Play is essential for:

Physical Development: Play helps with the development of gross motor and fine motor skills. It also helps children become aware of the strength, power, and capabilities of their bodies. They become more self assured in these competencies and can then build on them by engaging in more challenging activities and feats. Such confidence is essential in helping the child succeed in all areas of life.

Social and Emotional Development: Everyone has a natural tendency to want to belong to a group. Play allows children to develop many social skills that are necessary for future success. For example, play allows children to try out new skills when the stakes aren’t high. They can put what they’re learning about values and character into action. In addition, it allows them to understand how to negotiate, share, take opposing perspectives, assert themselves, and compromise.

At all levels of development, play enables children to feel comfortable and in control of their feelings by: 1) allowing the expression of unacceptable feelings in acceptable ways and 2) providing the opportunity to work through conflicting feelings.

Cognitive Development: Play helps to exercise the brain! Studies show that play can assist in the development of planning, attention, attitude, creativity, memory, and perspective-taking. It can also stimulate the imagination and creative thinking. When playing with others, children can develop their language and communication skills as well. Kids learn when they’re having fun!

Some scientists are very concerned that because children spend their time differently than they did say, 70 years ago, children’s ability to self-regulate is also quite different.

A recent study replicated a study of self-regulation first done in the late 1940s, in which psychological researchers asked kids ages 3, 5 and 7 to do a number of exercises. One of those exercises included standing perfectly still without moving. The 3-year-olds couldn’t stand still at all, the 5-year-olds could do it for about three minutes, and the 7-year-olds could stand pretty much as long as the researchers asked. In 2001, researchers repeated this experiment. “Today’s 5-year-olds were acting at the level of 3-year-olds 60 years ago, and today’s 7-year-olds were barely approaching the level of a 5-year-old 60 years ago,” says Elena Bodrova at Mid-Continent Research for Education and Learning.

Why is self regulation so important?

During make-believe, children can begin a private dialog with themselves in which they use their brains to decide what they’re going to do and how they’re going to do it. If you think about it, we all rely on this private speech, even as adults, to figure out how to if, when, and how to proceed when we are faced with challenges.

Unfortunately, the more structured the play, the more children’s private speech declines. Essentially, because children’s play is so focused on lessons and leagues, and because kids’ toys increasingly inhibit imaginative play, kids aren’t getting a chance to practice policing themselves. When they have that opportunity…self-regulation improves.

–Laura Berk, professor of psychology at Illinois State University.

Examples of Different Kinds of Play:

Sensorimotor Play: Coined by Piaget, infants and toddlers experiment with motor movement and body sensations with both object and people. Examples: Grasping a toy, rolling a ball,

Pretend Play: In pretend play, children can carry out plans, take on different roles, transform objects, express feelings and ideas, and represent experience symbolically. Examples: Playing “house,” and “flying to the moon.”

Games with Rules: This is typically a very organized form of playing. It usually involves “teams” or different sides, competition, and agreed-upon ways of winning and playing the game. Examples: Tag, baseball, hide and seek.

What can we do to encourage play?

(1) Read stories together: Books provide opportunities for language development, imagination of characters, and examples of characters that use self regulation and values to make decisions and follow through.

(2) Encourage children to talk to themselves: This practice will help children rely on their own opinions and gut reactions when it comes to figuring out how to proceed.

(3) Cook, sew, or build together: These activities provide directions as well as chances to make something “their own.”

(4) Provide props and a dress-up box: These items are great for imaginative play. You can provide realistic prompts as well as symbolic props that will help to get the mind going.

(5) Get them into programs that provide games as well as instruction: Great after-school programs that provide both time for structure as well as games where instructions are provided help children to learn how to win and lose graciously—as well as how to follow rules.

(6) Provide free time without the TV and Video Games: Children need time to play without the help of a computer or TV set. Encourage children to use their imagination or play with friends instead of simply enjoying passive recreation.

The most important thing is to have fun and remember—play is important. While people used to say, “all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy,” we now know that the role of play is a lot more crucial to development. So go out and have a good time!

Police Officer Charged: Justice for Ashley McIntosh, Kindergarten Teaching Assistant

Many of you shared your heartfelt condolences and your frustrations when I wrote about the tragic death of Ashley McIntosh, the beloved teaching assistant of my niece, Evie, and her kindergarten classmates. “Miss Mac,” as the children called her, was killed in a traffic accident when a police car collided with Ashley’s car. Witnesses had clearly seen the police car speeding without a siren, yet with lights, towards the intersection where Ashley was thrown from the car and killed. Here is the full Washington Post article.

Many of you signed the petition for Ashley McIntosh’s fair and speedy investigation. Thank you. Since my last posting on this topic, many people in the community came together to plant McIntosh trees in honor of Ashley. But time marched on and there were concerns of delays due to police involvement.

I received an email today detailing how things progressed, and I wanted to share it with you:

I thought you would like to know that the officer who hit Ashley McIntosh’s car was charged today with reckless driving. I am a lawyer in Fairfax and a lifelong resident here. This is the first time an officer has been charged with a crime for an act committed while on duty. We do have a new chief prosecutor here. There is a news release from the Fairfax County Police:

Fairfax County Police Department
Public Information Office
4100 Chain Bridge Road, Fairfax, Va. 22030
703-246-2253. TTY 703-204-2264. Fax 703-246-4253
FCPD-PIO@fairfaxcounty.gov
www.fairfaxcounty.gov/police
News Release: 08/045/2575/sb(2)
May 2, 2008

UPDATE – Officer Charged in Fatal Crash

On Friday, May 2, Officer Amanda Perry, 22, was charged with reckless driving after a review of the evidence by the Commonwealth’s Attorney. The charge stems from a fatal crash on Tuesday, February 12 at the intersection of Richmond Highway and Boswell Drive. Perry was issued a summons at police headquarters. Officer Perry remains on restricted duty pending the outcome of an internal administrative review.

UPDATE

The driver and sole occupant of the car involved in this crash has died of her injuries at Inova Fairfax Hospital. She has been identified as Ashley McIntosh, 33, of 1410 Oakbrooke Avenue in the Alexandria section of Fairfax County.

Colonel David M. Rohrer, Chief of the Fairfax County Police Department, issued the following statement:

I wish to express our condolences and heartfelt sympathy to Ms McIntosh’s family and friends on behalf of the Fairfax County Police Department and myself.

I also want to assure them and the citizens of Fairfax County that we are in the process of conducting a comprehensive, balanced, and fair investigation of this crash. In the days ahead, as we move forward in our investigation, we will also share our findings with the Commonwealth’s Attorney.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Thank you for all of your support.

Earth Day in May: Teaching Children That Everyday Should Be Earth Day

It’s May 1st. We’re leaving behind another month of Obama vs Clinton, the woes of Miley Cyrus, and…Earth Day. But while Obama, Clinton, and Cyrus, will all likely get a lot more air time before next April, Earth Day may not be so lucky. As educators and parents, we need to teach children that everyday should be Earth Day– not just April 22nd.

For all those of you who attend a Powerful Words Member School, today marks the beginning of Compassion Month. We’ll be talking about the ways that our children and our teens (as well as ourselves) can show compassion to each other, people across the world who are in need, endangered animals and homeless pets, and yes, our planet.

Kids may think they’re too young to make a difference. Some parents may think their kids are too young as well. But Powerful Parents know better. While young children may not be able to join massive reforestation projects or major clean-up movements, they can contribute in many simple ways. They can start at home. They can start with you. They can start now.

Here are some things that you can teach your kids to do to celebrate Earth Day everyday:

Here are some things that you can teach your kids to do to celebrate Earth Day everyday:

1. Garbage management. There are many ways to teach kids the value of proper garbage management.
   • Reuse, reduce, recycle. Train them to be on the lookout for the recycling symbol on products you/they want to buy. This is an assurance that the materials used for packaging are environment-friendly and may be recycled.
   • Teach them the importance of separating their garbage. You can even turn this into a game: Let’s see if you can shoot this plastic bottle in the blue recycle can.
   • If there are no trash cans in sight, instead of littering, teach them to bring their trash home.
   • Reuse half-use or lightly used paper for drawing and writing. Explain to your children that paper comes from trees, and if they save paper, they can help save trees.
   • Use reusable or biodegradable containers/bags for their school lunch instead of disposable brown bags or plastic sandwich bags.
2. Walk. When it’s not too far away and it’s safe, walking is a great alternative to driving. Children can walk to school, to their friend’s house, or to the neighborhood store. You don’t have to use the car everywhere you go. Walking is not only good exercise, it also helps reduce the build-up of carbon monoxide that cars produce. This change therefore doesn’t only affect our health but it can also greatly affect the air we breathe. (Need an alternative? Use the bike!)
3. Go Organic. Produce grown the organic way helps keep air, water, and soil clean because they don’t use toxic pesticides. There are already a variety of organic foods in the market today – meat, rice, milk, juice, eggs, butter, and a lot more. You can also get some of these items from the local farmer’s market which helps to support local farmers and family-owned farms. Buying and eating these items can offer a healthier solution to processed, mass produced foods and can be better for the environment.
4. Care for the plants. Plants don’t only make our surroundings look nicer, but they also give us fresh air. Kids should learn to respect them. Don’t: Kick at the bushes, throw plastics on the shrubs, break off the tree branches, or pull at the leaves. A better idea? Plant a tree in your yard! Cultivate a garden! This could be a nice activity to do as a family.
5. Care for the animals and other living things. Of course we care for our pets. That’s important. But there are other important living things—even the smallest of creatures–like bees, worms, spiders play a critical role in our environment. Bees pollinate flowers. And worms make our soil richer. Spiders can help farmers grow safer crops. All living things bring balance to our world. We need to teach children that just because insects and small creatures don’t take up much space, they still have significant and important jobs—and therefore we must take care of every part of our environment.
   
6. Help other kids think Green. Spread the word. Spread the habit. If your kid’s school doesn’t have a green program yet, prompt your child to talk to the teacher about it. Make an activity out of cleaning the park with your kid and his/her friends.
7. Be informed. Read websites with your child. There are a lot of kid-friendly sites that talk about Earth Day. Some of these sites provide games, crafts and activities for kids to do.
8. Save water. Though water is continuously being cleaned through our natural water cycle, we use up our fresh water supply faster than the earth can recycle it. So, instead of simply consuming water, kids can help to conserve it.

· Take shorter showers. Leaving the shower 30 seconds earlier can make a big difference.

· Remind them not to leave the faucet on while they’re brushing their teeth or soaping up their hands.

· Check if their bathroom has a leaky faucet or toilet.

• 9. Save electricity: Generating electricity creates pollution, uses a lot of water and oil, and causes the weather to change (and not in a good way!). So by saving electricity, kids can help save the earth.

· Turn off the lights when no one is in the room.

· Open the windows so it will be cooler, and they won’t need to turn on the air-conditioner.

· Turn off electrical appliances such as computers (don’t forget the monitors and speakers), television, radio and electric fan. In fact, it might be a good idea to unplug these appliances from the outlets when you’re leaving for a long time, because they consume some electricity even when they’re off and plugged in!

These are only a few things that your kids can do to help save our planet. Small steps? Yes. Easy to do? Certainly. But can children really make a difference?

Imagine this. If a thousand children believed that their contribution did not matter, a thousand gallons of water would be wasted every year just by leaving the water flowing while washing a thousand pairs of hands. If just a thousand children chose not recycle a plastic bottle each day, 10 years from now we would accumulate over 3,650,000 more plastic bottles in land fills. That’s an impressive number. However, it’s tiny and just a drop in the bucket. In fact, each day in the US more than 60 million plastic water bottles are thrown away.

Now let’s flip the coin. If a thousand children decide to start making a habit of being earth-friendly, thousands of parks could be cleaned. Thousands of reams of paper (and trees!) would be saved. Thousands of bottles, bags, and cans would stay out of the landfills. And, by spreading the habit, thousands will turn into millions! Yes, children can make a difference.

With family’s help, we can have Earth Day in May. We can celebrate Earth Day everyday.

Some more resources to help children learn about the environment:

Environmental Kids Club

Environmental Education for Kids

The Green Squad: Kids taking action for greener, healthier schools

Nature Challenge for Kids:

Greena, Planet Slayer: Animated teen that saves the earth

Natural Resources Defense Council: Lots of links to help kids save the planet

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