Getting children to redefine what their best is…everyday

Do you see “vision” in the eyes of your child?

Dr. Robyn Silverman for Powerful Words

Some might say that the difference between a successful child and an unsuccessful child is brains.  Others might say talent. Still others, might realize that it may just be the vision and belief that one can set goals, go after those goals, and succeed in achieving those goals.

When I was about 8-12 years old, I was convinced that I was stupid.  My brothers had been in all the advanced classes- I hadn’t. My brothers got high marks on all their tests—I didn’t.  My brothers were among those kids invited to their teacher’s home for a special celebration of “smartness” and I…played with the Barbie dream home.

It wasn’t like I was failing anything—I was pretty much just average. But boy—it was convenient to believe otherwise. “I’m not as smart as my brothers” and “I’m stupid” became my mantra.  It was my answer to all things challenging at school—all bad grades, the reason I was more of a follower than a leader among my friends, my fallback mantra anytime I got stuck in a pickle–  it provided my perfect excuse for mediocrity.

What’s funny about the repetition of a mantra is that not only do you begin to believe what you are saying—but so do others around you. My family just knew that they needed to help me out quite a bit since I could hardly do things myself.  My mother barely would say anything about the Cs on my report card because they were clearly the best I could do. My father admitted later on in life that he began to thank God that I was cute since I didn’t get blessed with the brains in the family. It’s not their fault.  I was VERY convincing.

So, when I entered 8^th grade, I didn’t expect anything different than my typical average performance. Nobody did. But in meeting Mr. Hendrickson, who asked us all to call him “Hendi” since he was only 24 years old at the time, I had met my match.  Still young enough to know what a cop out looked like and old enough to know the difference between poor self esteem and actual stupidity, he called me into his office.

“What do you need in order to ace this next math test?”

“I can’t ace any test.  I’m a horrible test taker and I stink at math.”

“But what if you could?”

“Could what?”

“Ace the test. What would you need to do it?”

“Someone else’s brain?”

(The parent/teacher look.  You know the one.  You probably give it to your children when they make such remarks.)

“OK. I guess I would need a lot of extra help (but I couldn’t resist)…but a brain transplant couldn’t hurt.”

“Fine. My door is open to you everyday during free periods and after school. As for the brain transplant, you don’t need it.  But you need a thought transplant. You need a new definition of what your best is.”

“I try my best.”

“No, you try what you once believed was your best. You need a new definition. Your current definition is yesterday’s news. What do you want now? What can you do now? I don’t think you know what you are capable of.”

“Not much.”

“You’re doing it again. I’m not buying it. I want you to wipe clean the slate and see what’s possible now.  You’re going to ace this test.”

“If you say so.”

No , I want you to say so.”

“I’m not there yet.”

“Get there.”

“I’ll try.”

You see, I was basing my performance level, my attitude, and my belief in myself on who I believed I was—the stupid one—not on who I could be. Once this belief was exposed, I needed to either prove him wrong or prove him right.

So for the next 2 weeks I came in every day for extra help.  An opportunity had opened up—not that it wasn’t always there but I hadn’t been willing to take it.  After all, why bother when the results were bound to be the same?  Perhaps even with extra help, I wasn’t going to be able to do it.  But in the back of my head, a tiny voice asked meekly, but what if you could?

The day of the test came. I took it and didn’t feel half bad about it. Not that that would make a difference—since the results were bound to be the same.  But what if they weren’t?

It was later on in the day that I bumped into Hendi.  He stopped me in the hallway and said; “You did it.”

Not believing my ears I asked, “I did what?”

“You aced the test.”

Doubting these different results I questioned, “are you sure?”

To which he joked, “I’m not checking it again.  See… you can do it.  And now we all know.  We all have a new definition of what your best is. So, now you’re really in for it!”

It’s a day that changed more than just my definition of my best. It told me what was possible. It changed my vision of the future and redefined what I was capable of NOW rather than going by what I thought I was capable of then.  It infused me with confidence and the ability to push myself and to redefine what my best is every day.

Children must have the ability to dream if you want to see them rise to their potential . They must believe in what’s possible even if it hasn’t been done before.  They must be willing to challenge themselves and others. And yes, they must redefine what is “their best” everyday and refuse to live by yesterday’s definition of one’s best.

As parents and teachers,we must give children the permission to succeed—dropping who they might have been and building on who they can be. Sometimes we all get stuck in believing their performance sabotaging mantras. It’s time to stop allowing it to happen.

So, how are you inspiring your children to redefine their definition of their best?  Looking forward to hearing from you.

Got Goals? The 7 Deadly Downers that Dash Your Dreams

The 7 Deadly Downers that Sabotage Your New Year’s Resolutions:

Help Your Family Obtain Goal-Setting Success!

Dr. Robyn Silverman

Have a New Year’s resolution? Watch out.  These 7 deadly downers can sabotage your goals.

Many POWerful bits of information come in 7s. Seven numbers in a phone number, seven days in a week, and seven wonders of the world. Most people say that their favorite number between 1 and 10 is seven. Of course, seven can showcase the bad things of this world as well, such as the seven deadly sins to avoid.

And now…

The Seven POWerful Downers that Hold People Back from Goal-setting Success! After all, the January 2009 Powerful Word of the Month is Goal-Setting– so we want want our children and families to be on the look out for these negative words.

(1) No: Such a small word but like an ant, powerful for its size. It’s arguably one of the most powerful words in the
English dictionary. Definitive by nature, it requires no other explanation for what it means. It’s the enemy of progress
and the dasher of dreams.

(2) Can’t: This word is a mind-trick. “Can’t” is the little voice inside our heads that tells us what we are not able to do.
Even if we’ve never tried it or attempted to do this thing this particular way before, “can’t” has already decided the outcome.  Tacking on a simple apostrophe and that one little letter “t” to the end takes this word from emphatic and positive to pathetic and negative.

(3) Won’t: Won’t is our inner child throwing the proverbial tantrum. “Won’t” is bratty and uppity, immature and insistent in getting its way. With folded arms, nose up in the air, and a smug look, “won’t” will easily cut off its nose to spite its face.

(4) Never: A POWerful Downer indeed. “Never” is infinite permanence. “Never” robs us of our power of choice for the
future. What feels impossible today is assumed to be insurmountable in the future despite changes in circumstance,
wisdom, and guts.

(5) Maybe: This word is just plain wishy-washy. It means nothing. Neither gutsy enough to say yes or direct enough to say no, “maybe” provides little hope for progress when there has been no definitive commitment.

(6) If: This tiny word is full of it. Projection, that is. “If” blames others when things don’t go its way. “If” takes the onus off of itself and lays it like a monkey on someone else’s back. It has the power of negating everything said before it with just one small insertion. It whines and begs for someone else to do the work or just simply, make it happen.

(7) Someday: While this word seems genteel enough, the reality is, it wants to sell you a bill of goods. It’s a snake-oil salesman. “Someday” is procrastination in action-there is no commitment, no follow-through, and no progress. “Someday” might tease someone-it might play a trick or two on the brain, but someday has no power for good until someday becomes today.

Actions may speak louder than words, however, these words bark loudly in one’s head. In this next year, you can make a choice to fill your mind with “yes,” “I can,” “I will,” “always,” and “now” or the Powerful Downers detailed above. They are your goals, your dreams, your hopes, and your life. Take back the power.

Here’s to Powerful Goal Setting and Goal Getting Success in 2009!

Please kindly press the digg button! Thanks!

The Laziest Thing I’ve Ever Seen

Dr. Robyn's dog, Casey, in favor of occasional laziness

How Lazy Can you Be?

Dr. Robyn J.A. Silverman

Yesterday, I saw one of the laziest scenes I’ve ever seen. While out walking down the street with my dog, Casey, I saw one of my fully-able neighbors “walking” her dog too…except she was in her car…with the leash hanging out the window…so her dog could walk and she could…ride.

,,,and they say that having a dog makes people less lazy!

Is Laziness due to genetics? Modern Conveniences? “Poor Physique?”

J. Timothy Lightfoot recently published an article out of the University of North Carolina suggesting that some people might actually have a laziness gene which predisposes them to being slothlike. Others simply say that all the internet tools and modern conveniences are what make them lazier.  (If there’s any question of who’s the most lazy the UN’s International Labor Organization says American’s are among the laziest when they compare the proportion of American workers who put in more than 48 hours per week with other workers from around the world.) I even came across an article in the New York Times from 1910 entitled “Why Some Children Are Lazy” that said in plain terms that lack of determination and high levels of laziness are simply the result of “poor physique.”

So…what do you think? Are we getting lazier? Why? Genetics? Poor physique? The Internet? Modern Conveniences ? Poor diet ? Too much help ? Need for more in-school or after-school activity?

And after the shock of watching my neighbor “walk” her dog while she drove her car down the side street—I have to ask—WHAT’S THE LAZIEST THING YOU’VE EVER SEEN???

Is Drowning an Issue of Race Among Children? What Cullen Jones Can Teach us

Copyright: Daniel Johnson/AP

How can Olympian, Cullen Jones, inspire children to learn to swim?

Dr. Robyn J.A. Silverman

What Powerful lessons can children learn from Olympian, Cullen Jones?

• Determination?
• Goal-setting?
• That African-Americans actually can swim?

Watching Cullen Jones, along with his teammates, Michael Phelps, Garrett Weber-Gale and anchor Jason Lezak set a world record in the 400-meter freestyle relay on Monday at the Beijing Games, you might be surprised to know that Jones is just the third African-American swimmer to medal in the Olympic Games, and only the second to win gold.

And competition is the least of our problems when it comes to African-American swimmers.

The New York Times published a disturbing article this week that laid it all out. First, in general, swimming is a problem such that in 2005, there were 3,582 unintentional drownings in the United States, or 10 per day, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. In fact, drowning is the second-leading cause of accidental death among children.

But even more tragic is that drowning and NOT swimming can actually be compounded by race such that:

the most worrisome statistics involve black children and teens ages 5 to 19, who are 2.3 times more likely to drown than whites in this age group. For children 10 to 14, the rate is five times higher.

In addition, nearly 6 out of 10 African-American and Hispanic children are unable to swim (almost twice as many as their Caucasian peers)!

What’s the problem here?

§ There once was a widely discredited theory about black people suffering from a “buoyancy problem” which made people think that black children couldn’t learn to swim.

§ Segregation kept black people out of pools and beaches and created generations of non-swimmers. This perpetuated the myth that African-Americans couldn’t swim.

§ While studies have shown that Africans were avid swimmers, slaves born into the United States were not allowed to swim because it could be seen as a means of escape.

What can an Olympian do?

The fate of the young African-American swimmer might be resting on the shoulders of Cullen Jones, who is dispelling the myths about black people and swimming as he enjoyed Olympic gold and showed himself as a great role model to all children.

I was told, ‘You could change the face of swimming by getting more African-Americans into swimming,’ ” Jones, 24, said. “At first I was like, ‘Really, me?’ I never got into it thinking I could do something like that, you never do. I just liked to swim.

Bank of America has stepped up to sponsor Jones as he teaches a series of clinics and meets in order to promote minorities to get back into the pool and learn to swim. Having nearly drowned himself as a child, he knows how important swimming lessons are and hopes to impart these all important lessons to the children he interacts with on his tour.

With the strength of the lessons children are learning through their Powerful Words Member Schools and the lessons they can learn in the swimming pool about staying safe and strong, who knows? Another Olympian might just be born!

Cullen Jones’ NPR interview

7 attributes children learn from Olympians

copyright: Sandi Stevens McGee and Dr. Robyn Silverman

What does it take to become an Olympian in life?

Dr. Robyn J.A. Silverman

New York Times

Shawn Johnson sticks the perfect landing. Nastia Liukin falls flat on her back and gets back up. Michael Phelps wins another gold medal.

No matter what event you like, it’s difficult to watch the Olympics and not feel inspired. I can’t help myself—I have to stand up, my palms get sweaty, and I find myself shouting “go, go, go!” and “you can do it!” at the TV.

Children can learn a great deal from our Olympians. They’re not just role models; they are character in action. They take all of the Powerful Words that we learn and make use of them in their daily lives.

Here are just a few questions you can pose to your children:

1. Perseverance: How do your child’s favorite athletes show perseverance in every part of competition and every practice? How can your children show the same kind of perseverance in their own lives?
2. Discipline: What kind of discipline does it take to achieve a goal like being a member of the Olympic team? Where do you show discipline in your life?
3. Responsibility: What do you think are the responsibilities of an Olympic hopeful? What kinds of responsibilities must you meet on your quest to be your best?
4. Determination: Why do you think being determined is so important on our quest to reach our goals? When have you felt determined? What goals have you achieved by being determined?
5. Indomitable Spirit: Which athletes kept going with all their effort even when they weren’t “the favorite” or even when they were behind? How did that indomitable spirit pay off? When have you showed indomitable spirit in the face of challenge?
6. Respect: How do you see the Olympians showing respect for themselves and their fellow athletes? How do they show respect and sportsmanship for the judges and their fans? How do you show respect to others each day?
7. Courage: How do you think these athletes developed the courage to compete on the highest level? How do you think they stayed courageous even when they failed or fell? When do you show that kind of courage and how can you show even more?

The Olympics can be a great stepping stone to talk about your family’s values and well as what it takes to be the best in any area of interest. This is a great time to talk about some amazing athletes and how your children can integrate what they see on their quest to become Olympians in life.

(Over)Protective Parents: Helpful or Harmful?

Are Some Parents Too Overprotective? What do you think?

Dr. Robyn J.A. Silverman

My mom and I were speaking on the phone yesterday about a recent New York Times article on overprotective “helicopter parents,” their children and overnight camps. Did you see it?

Parents are “bombarding the camp with calls: one wanted help arranging private guitar lessons for her daughter, another did not like the sound of her child’s voice during a recent conversation, and a third needed to know — preferably today — which of her daughter’s four varieties of vitamins had run out. All before lunch.

We were laughing about how times certainly have changed since we were all younger– when parents told us to get up, rub some dirt on it, and give it another go. My Mom and I were trying to remember if I ever called when I was away at camp– maybe once– but we’re not completely certain of that figure. Of course, we didn’t have cell phones, email, web cams, or texting when we were kids– but would we have used them if we did?

People have been throwing around the term “helicopter parents” for quite some time now to describe parents who are overprotective of their children to a fault. Some people hate the term and others believe it’s spot on. Mothers and fathers often cite that “times have changed” and more hand-holding is necessary, even though, by many accounts, children in the United States are safer than ever. So is our attempt to protect negatively affecting our children’s ability to be self-determined and independent? What do you think?

Who: Sociologists find that helicopter parents tend to be mothers and fathers of “Millennials,” children of baby boomers, born between the early 1980s and 2000.

They saw their youngsters as “special,” and they sheltered them. Parents outfitted their cars with Baby on Board stickers. They insisted their children wear bicycle helmets, knee pads and elbow guards. They scheduled children’s every hour with organized extracurricular activities. They led the PTA and developed best-friend-like relationships with their children…Today, they keep in constant touch with their offspring via e-mail and cell phones. And when their children go off to college, parents stay just as involved.

Where do we see it: It’s been reported that overprotective parents are noticed on sports fields, schools, colleges, after-school programs, and now, even overnight camps. As I mentioned above, an article in the New York Times reported that overprotective parents have seeped into the camp culture, a place where children’s distance from home was often equated with “growing up” and “standing on their own 2 feet.”

In fact, the camps are now employing full-time parent liaisons to counsel parents from 7am to 10pm via email and phone. This position has become absolutely necessary because camps feel that they need to cater to the increasing number of parents who:

make unsolicited bunk placement requests, flagrantly flout a camp’s ban on cellphones and junk food, and consider summer an ideal time to give their offspring a secret vacation from Ritalin.

While camps want to accommodate parents, they worry that their over-involvement is negating the point of camp—a place to learn how to solve problems and make decisions without parental involvement. ]

What’s going on? Many reasons have been cited as motivators of overprotective parents. Parents are overprotective for all different reasons. In some cases, parents perceive that when they do something for their child, it comes out better. In other cases, parents feel a need for control in a world that seems more unpredictable and scary that it was when they were younger. Some parents have a fear of failure and hate to see their children struggle while others have a fear that their children will succeed and no longer need them as much as they did at one time. Still others feel entitled to check in with or about their children at any given time or they feel empowered by living vicariously through their sons and daughters who are doing things that the parents might not have been able to do when they were younger.

Here’s the rub from several sides:

(1) A study shows…Parental involvement can be very helpful. Data from 24 colleges and universities gathered for the National Survey of Student Engagement show that students whose parents were very often in contact with them and frequently intervened on their behalf “reported higher levels of engagement and more frequent use of deep learning activities,” such as after-class discussions with professors, intensive writing exercises and independent research, than students with less-involved parents. “Compared with their counterparts, children of helicopter parents were more satisfied with every aspect of their college experience, gained more in such areas as writing and critical thinking, and were more likely to talk with faculty and peers about substantive topics,” said survey director George D. Kuh, an Indiana University professor.

(2) A mixed reaction… Lenore Skenazy, a columnist for the New York Sun as well as a mother of a 9 year old son, recently talked about allowing her son to ride the subway on his own. People voiced both dismay and encouragement and called her everything from neglectful to a breath of fresh air. She used the incident to create her own blog about kids and independence, called Free Range Kids. The idea behind the concept is to live responsibly (seat belts, helmets, airbags, etc.), but not to restrict your child’s actions out of fear.

(3) The negative side of over-protectiveness, including:

(a) Undermining children’s confidence in their own abilities to take care of themselves and get things done;

(b) Instilling fear of failure such that they are denied the chance to learn how to persevere while standing on their own 2 feet;

(c) Stunting growth and development—in fact, studies have shown that these children lack some of the knowledge to negotiate what they need, solve their own problems, stay safe, and interact in close quarters with others;

(d) Inability to launch because they’re unsure of their passion, their own direction, and what to do next, if it means doing it on their own;

(e) Taking more staff, teacher, and administrator resources that would be directed towards their children but instead, must be used to tend to parental needs and wants; and, ironically,

(f) Raising parental anxiety levels—research has shown that parents who consistently judge their own self worth by their children’s success report feeling more sad and having a more negative self image than parents who did not engage in this behavior.

So, what do you think? Are parents going too far to protect their children and teens or are they justified in doing so? Do you think the affects are more positive or negative? Why? This is a heated topic with many different opinions. We’d love to hear your thoughts.

Please comment below!

Related:

Letters to their helicopter parents from their children: first of series

Dr. Robyn Silverman Interviews Cheri Meiners and Reads Her Children’s Book

Dr. Robyn Reads Try and Stick With It and Interviews Author, Cheri Meiners

Dr. Robyn: We are focusing on the Powerful Word, Determination, this month. The students are learning how they can use determination in their lives everyday! What are some easy and interesting ways that parents can help their children learn determination?

Meiners: The ‘Try and Stick with it’ book includes several fun activities at the back for parents to do with their children, as well as 12 strategies that children can use to develop perseverance and determination (note, see video of Dr. Robyn reading the book above). Parents can also talk about people who have shown determination in overcoming a problem, or at developing a new skill. This can be done through reading biographies, or talking about people you know. You might also discuss scenarios that children typically face, such as those in the book, and talk about how it feels to accomplish something that you put your mind to.

Dr. Robyn: What made you decide to write the book?

Meiners: I started writing this series and this book, particularly, to help children see how a skill like determination is developed, and what the positive outcomes can be. The first books I wrote were for my own children, and I realized that other parents could benefit from having these character building skills taught visually and logically to a child. The books are written in the first person so that the child, through repetition, begins to understand and apply the principles internally.

There are two themes that I wanted to address in this book. The first is that we all need to have the flexibility, courage, and determination to try new things. The determination to try something new builds self-confidence, and is the starting point for future growth. And then, of course, it takes determination to continue in a challenging path—but it brings rewards to oneself and others.

Dr. Robyn: All the Powerful Words Member Schools are teaching the youngest students that determination is a “no quit-go-for-it attitude.” We want children to learn the importance of seeing things through until they reach the end. In your view, why is it so important for children to learn to “stick with it.”

Meiners: Everything that a person learns, knows and accomplishes comes from ‘sticking with something’ because all skills take time and practice to develop. A person who has practiced determination is also much stronger and able to handle adversity when faced with it. We all face problems and challenges, and determination can help in overcoming them. All the medical and technical advances and artistic works that we enjoy in our culture are the result of determined individuals. Each of us has something important to share with others, but those skills and our own character must be developed through perseverance and determination. When children ‘stick with it’, they also learn about themselves–what things they like to do, and what things they are good at. ‘Sticking with it’ will also help a child get along with others because other people will learn to trust and count on a person who has the determination to follow through with commitments.

Dr. Robyn: Sometimes it can be difficult for young children to see things through until they reach the end. For parents and teachers, it can be hard to watch their children cope with failure and rough spots along the way to success. How can parents help to support determination in their children when children are struggling?

Meiners: Giving praise and encouragement for children’s efforts can motivate children to develop greater determination, and when used consistently is a powerful tool in shaping behavior. Also, be specific in pointing out the steps that they have already taken in reaching a particular goal, and let them know you believe in their ability to accomplish it.

Thank you!

Cheri J. Meiners, M.Ed., has her master’s degree in elementary education and gifted education. A former first-grade teacher, she has taught education classes at Utah State University and has supervised student teachers. Cheri and her husband, David, have six children. They live in Laurel, Maryland.

Want to Read the Book Yourself? Here’s how! Try and Stick With It (Learning to Get Along)

Children’s Physical Activity Level Drops Dramatically in Teen Years, Study Shows

Children’s Activity Level Drops Sharply in Teen Years, Study Shows

Dr. Robyn J.A. Silverman

All you Powerful Parents out there whose older children and teens have the benefit of a great physical curriculum at their Powerful Words Member School, you just might be beating the odds. A long term study, out this week, has shown a sharp decline in children’s activity level between the ages of 9 and 15 years old. According to the National Institutes of Health (NIH), children at age 9 years old averaged about 3 hours of vigorous physical activity (MVPA) while teens, by the time they reached 15 years old, only averaged about 40 minutes of MVPA per weekday and 35 minutes per weekend!

“Lack of physical activity in childhood raises the risk for obesity and its attendant health problems later in life,” said Duane Alexander, M.D., Director of NIH’s Eunice Kennedy Shriver National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (NICHD). “Helping American children maintain appropriate activity levels is a major public health goal requiring immediate action.”

Lack of physical activity coupled with poor diet (lots of sugar in food and in drinks, etc.) is a dangerous recipe for poor health!

The Study:

• Who was studied? More than 1,000 children from ethnically and economically diverse backgrounds. The researchers started to collect information on the activity levels of 9 year olds for four to seven days several years ago. Then they conducted follow up studies on the children when at age 11, 12, and 15 years of age.
• How? The children’s activity was recorded with an accelerometer, a device that records movement, which the children wore on a belt.
• When/where will it be published? Today, in the Journal of the American Medical Association
• Authors: Philip Nader, M.D., Emeritus Professor of Pediatrics at the University of California San Diego, along with colleagues.
• Why is so important? It’s recommended in the 2005 Dietary Guidelines that children and teens engage in at least 60 minutes of MVPA on most or all days.
• What might be going on? While the study didn’t measure the reasons for the sharp decline, the researchers suggested that schools do, indeed, tend to limit physical activity as children grow into their teens. Recess is not typically part of the school day at that time and many schools do not require physical education either. Further, as sports become more elite and exclusive in school as the children become teens, the average athletes drop out and only the best athletes continue.
• Interesting Facts:
  • Ages 9-11 years old: More than 90% of the children evaluated met the recommended level of 60 minutes of more of MVPA per day.
  • Age 15: Only 31% met the recommended level of MVPA per weekday and only 17% met the recommended activity level on weekends.
  • Plummeting levels: The researchers suggested that MVPA declined by about 40 minutes per day each year until the age of 15 years when the majority of kids failed to meet the daily recommended level of activity.
  • Gender issues: Researchers found that on average, boys remained more active than girls. Boys tended to spend 18 more minutes per weekday in MVPA than did girls and 13 more minutes per weekend day. Girls dropped below the recommended level of MVPA (at least 60 minutes per weekday) by age 13.1 years in comparison for boys, who did not drop below that level until age 14.7 years. For weekend days, girls dropped below the recommended level of activity at age 12.6 years while boys dropped below the recommended activity level for weekends at 13.4 years.

“When you are younger, it’s much easier to go out and do things spontaneously,” said James A. Griffin, deputy chief of the Child Development and Behavior Branch at the national institutes’ Center for Research for Mothers and Children. “But when you get older, kids tend to play a video game or watch television with their friends. Parents need to be aware to help them balance that out a little better.”

It’s vital that we keep our children and teens active. As schools are not providing or requiring consistent and reliable physical activity, as powerful parents, we must ensure that our children are indeed getting the recommended physical activity they need each day. Children in martial arts, gymnastics, swimming, cheer, dance and other sports can work on their muscle strength, flexibility, and bone density as well as gain self confidence and strength of character through their Powerful Words Member Schools and Activity Centers.

Congratulations, Powerful Parents, for keeping your children committed to their health and beating the averages! Your child’s determination to stay healthy and fit during his or her teen years is more important than ever!

7 Ways to Help Your Child with ADHD

Helping Your Child Cope with ADHD

Dr. Robyn J.A. Silverman

The other day I wrote about ADHD and it’s recent link to obesity and overweight. It brought up a few questions about how to address some of the typical issues that plague children with ADHD and how to best support children who are coping with the effects of ADHD.

I’m currently getting ready to present to a large group of after-school educators in Orlando, Florida on teaching children commitment, determination and stick-to-itiveness, but I wanted to take a moment to give you at least a few tips on how you can help your child with ADHD:

(1) Advocate for them to get services in school: Your child has a special condition that makes them eligible for special accommodations such as: Sitting closer to the front of the room and the teacher, shortened homework assignments and longer testing times.

(2) Get everyone organized: Many children with ADHD (as well as many people in general!) have trouble when things are not organized and also may have trouble organizing him or herself. Teach your children how to stay organized by providing specific places for the children to put things when not in use and sticking to a schedule as best as you can.

(3) Set and keep home rules: Be sure to set easy-to-follow rules that have clear and consistent consequences. If rules are broken, be sure that the consequence is enforced and appropriate.

(4) Reward positive behavior: It’s easy to focus on the “bad” when children are impulsive and unfocused. This is no time to “let sleeping dogs lie.” Be sure to reward your children for positive behavior with praise and attention. Let them know you appreciate them and their effort.

(5) Don’t “go it” alone: There are many people available to help. Your physician, your school officials, and your after-school activity teachers are on your side. If your child attends a Powerful Words Member School, this can be a very positive and fun way to help your child feel that they are making physical strides while at the same time learning values such as focus, determination, respect, and impulse control in their Powerful Words character lessons. As this month is “determination month” you can help your child set a goal and go after it—a great skill-building and self-esteem building month for children with ADHD as well as ALL children!

(6) Be a Positive Role Model: Show your child with ADHD as well as all your children how to stay organized, stay determined, and try again when things don’t go as planned. They are looking to you to see how you react! If you stay calm and handle things with grace, they are much more apt to follow your lead in time, than if you tend to fly off the handle when plans get changed or fall short.

(7) Don’t Compare: Allow everyone to strive to their personal best. Comparing your child with ADHD to other children, especially those within the family or close friends of the child, will only serve to embarrass and denigrate your child. It will NOT motivate them! Reward the effort your child puts in as well as the small successes he or she achieves. If s/he stays determined and reaches his or her goal, this is cause for celebration NOT time for comparison with others who may have done it better, quicker, or more neatly.

And of course, remember to breathe. Your ability to take each day as it comes and celebrate the good in your life and in your child’s life will go a long, long, way.

Have a Powerful Weekend!

Children and Determination: What Research Tells Us

I’ve Got a No-Quit-Go-For-It Attitude! What Research Can Tell Us about Children and Determination

As you now know, the Powerful Word of the Month is Determination.

Wish your children showed more stick-to-itiveness and determination? Turns out, it’s a very important predictor to success. Researchers have suggested a strong link between enhanced self-determination skills and doing better in school and out of schools for students with and without disabilities. Here are the details:

• Let them get involved: Allowing children to use their self determination skills and providing the opportunity for them to do so, can be enormously helpful in their academic outcomes. When students with disabilities get involved in planning, decision making, and implementation of their educational programs they tend to achieve better academic success than their peers who did not get involved and use these self-determination skills. Studies have also found positive results when students get involved or take a leadership role in determining their IEP (Individualized Education Programs) and transition goals.
• Support their autonomy: Research shows that when we support the autonomy and independence of students within the classroom, students are more self-determined, motivated, and more apt to perceive themselves as competent. This, in turn, predicted the larger likelihood of students staying in school rather than dropping out.
• Understand your parenting style: Parenting style can have an impact on children’s acquisition and development of self-determination skills. Parents who involve their children in more decision-making, were more likely to foster determination skills in their children. Interestingly, researchers have found that Caucasian parents were more likely to foster these self determination skills in their children as compared to Asian and African American parents. This may be due, in part, to cultural differences, expectations, and norms.
• Determine if you’re Allowing your Child to Live Up to Their Own Potential: Parents with typically developing, non-special needs children, were more apt to foster determination skills in their children than parents of children with special needs. Specifically, parents of children with disabilities were less likely to involve them in household chores and interacting with salespeople, to allow them to make their own decisions, to teach goal setting and recognition of their weaknesses, and to involve them in making choices and decisions when dealing with unexpected and undesired behaviors. These parents also tended to exert more control in their children’s post-school career and living arrangements. These students wound up with less determination themselves.
• Know what to teach: Parents can help support children’s self determination skill development by teaching certain skills at home and enrolling their children in programs that help to foster development in the following areas: Choice Making, Decision-Making, Problem-Solving, Independent Living, Risk-Taking, Safety Skills, Goal Setting & Attainment, Self observation, Evaluation, Reinforcement, Self instruction, Self understanding, Leadership, & Self Awareness. (We will be going over many of these skills at our Powerful Words Member Schools this month—and you can also reinforce these skills when out in the community!)

Looking forward to a Powerful Month!