PARENTS! FREE Back to School Fears Teleseminar Wednesday Night 8/26

Dr. Robyn Silverman

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FREE “How to Help Your Children Deal with Their Back to School Fears” Teleseminar!

Dr. Robyn Silverman

Good morning powerful parents!

After I was interviewed as the parenting expert for Education.com on How to Deal with Back to School Fears in Children and related articles, I was contacted my several parents who wanted to know more.  They were having many issues and concerns with how their children handled “newness,” especially the transition to school.

So I’m offering a special FREE Parenting Tele-Seminar TOMORROW for all Powerful Parents on Back to School Fears and Dealing with New Situations.

The Teleseminar will take place on THIS COMING WEDNESDAY, August 26th at 8pm EASTERN, 7pm CENTRAL, 6pm MOUNTAIN, and 5pm PACIFIC.

There are a limited number of lines—and only a few left now that we are closer to the date.  Please sign up now to be part of this FREE event!

We will be going over several concerns and questions including:

  • What are some typical fears that children will be dealing with when going back to school?
  • How would parents know if their children are really having a problem?
  • What specific action steps can parents to take to help their children cope?
  • What would cause a child to exclaim “I’m never going back!”
  • What big mistakes can parents make in these situations?

And other questions too!

Looking forward to hearing you on the teleseminar! Sign up here!

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Why Does My Child Keep Quitting?

Angry boyIs your child quitting everything they start? Need a Commitment Overhaul?

Here is a letter from a parent to Dr. Robyn Silverman asking about why her child keeps quitting his activities. What’s interfering with her child’s commitment level?

Dear Dr. Robyn,

I hate to admit it, but my child is a quitter.  Knowing the Powerful Word of the Month at our school this month is commitment, it seemed that now was the perfect time to ask what’s going on here.  I don’t want to raise a quitter.  Have any ideas on why a child quits everything they start?

–Jan K, Baltimore, MD

The question of commitment and quitting comes up every time our Powerful Words schools present Powerful Words like commitment, determination, attitude, or goal-setting.  As Powerful Parents, we want our children to show commitment and determination.  So what’s making them quit?

Children quit for all different reasons.  Some children feel bored while others feel overwhelmed.  Some children have unrealistic expectations that they are going to be performing the kind of martial arts, gymnastics, swimming, or other sport that they see “in the movies” or in the Olympics on the first day that they attend.  Other children see “today’s activity”  simply as another activity that they do—easily interchanged with football, basketball or dance lessons– so why stick with one thing?  Still other children feel invisible to the instructor, picked on, misunderstood or scared when they take class.

The first major reason for quitting is the instance of a curriculum-based clash. Simply put, when children feel overwhelmed or under-challenged, they will want to quit.  After all, when something is too difficult or too easy, it isn’t fun anymore! The over-challenged child may feel as though he cannot keep up, catch up, or otherwise progress at the pace that the other children in class are progressing.  The under-challenged child may feel uninterested, disinterested, or just plain bored.  You can determine this if your child would rather play with friends than go to class or fights you on practicing when they used to find it exciting to do so. Whatever it is, there is clearly a clash between the child’s learning level and the curriculum they’re learning at this time.  These children will surely start looking for other ways, whether it is in football, hockey, dance or marching band, to fill their time and hold their interest– sometimes, they just keep moving from activity to activity looking for something to hold their interest.  It’s important that we delve into this issue with our child because it’s easy enough to move our children to a different class, get them extra help, or have them take some extra classes to address this issue.

The second major reason for quitting is the case of the value-based clash. If you, as a parent, don’t value what the child is learning at their current activity,  the child will often sense it and want to quit.  For example, if you regard their current activity, like martial arts or gymnastics,  as “just another stop on the way between football and piano,” the child will too.  After all, a child will want to quit something if it has little or no perceived value to the parent.  Children tend to take their cues from their parents—so when Mom and Dad don’t care, neither will they.  As parents, we need to make sure to check our own attitude when determining why our children might be quitting.  If we can adjust our own behavior and attitude, our children will too.

The third major reason for quitting is the often elusive personal-based clash. When children or parents feel uncomfortable at an activity, uncomfortable around a coach or teacher, uncomfortable around another child or another parent who is there at the same time, or undervalued by staff, they will likely want to quit.  Perhaps there has been a misunderstanding or a miscommunication.  Boundaries may have been breached or buttons may have been pushed in some way.  Perhaps the most common personal clash is when the child perceives that the teacher or coach doesn’t “like him” or “care about him”.  It’s vital to find out if something happened between your child and another person in the class so that the issue can be addressed and any misunderstandings can be cleared up.

The fourth major reason for quitting is the instance of the situational-based clash. While the above reasons have a negative undertone causing a “falling away” or a “falling out,” situational clashes are due to an actual lack of money, resources, or ability to continue.  When families do not have the money to pay for lessons, the car to get their children to your class, or the person to bring the child to your school, they will likely need to quit.  There may have been a divorce or a death, a new job opportunity, and illness or a lay-off that caused this situation to arise. Schools and sports facilities are often very sorry to see these students leave, given that they would stay if they could.

Finally, the fifth major reason children might quit is…because they can! We want to make sure that children aren’t creating a pattern of quitting that is being supported by their parents.  Sometimes, we are just too overprotective or too easily swayed by our children’s attempts to get out of fulfilling their promises. While it is easier to have children quit something that making them stick it out til the end, children learn their patterns early.  If they see that they can quit without consequence, they will learn this as a fact and quit whatever feels uncomfortable, challenging, frustrating or boring to them as they develop and become teens and adults.  It may not seem like a big deal when they are 8 years old but it certainly becomes so when they become 18 or 28 years old! Set positive patterns now so that they learn commitment and the benefits of seeing goals and promises through to the end.

Make sure to ask questions rather than lecture.  Why do they want to quit?  Did anything happen in class? Are they bored? Overwhelmed? How do they feel about their friends in class? Their teachers? Is the curriculum too hard? Too easy?  And also, remember, to watch what you say and you do.  If you are quitting your activities, or someone else of influence in your home or family is doing so, children will learn volumes about the loop holes in commitment.  Take your cues from your child’s Powerful Words instructors this month and expand on what they are talking about in class with your children. Discuss it at the dinner table and in the car.  Tell stories about your own triumphs and how you stuck with something even when it was difficult. Talk about the importance of seeing the end and setting goals. And of course, set the precedent that your family always finishes what they start– everyone should have that “no quit, go-for-it attitude!” that helps each member to lead with commitment– and your children will surely learn to follow suit.

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How do you celebrate achieving a goal?

toasting to the achievement of a goal

Goal Setting and Celebration: Inspiration from First Grade Phonics

Dr. Robyn Silverman

When I was on 1st grade, we used to do phonics.  I remember the June day like it was yesterday.  It was warm in the school and we were all suffering from an acute case of Spring Fever.  It was on that day that we completed our last day of Phonics.  Mrs. Rabin announced, “You’re all done! Congratulations students! You can throw away the cover!” We all got up and my friend, Leanna, started a frenzy of little kids skipping around the room towards the trash can singing “no more phonics! no more phonics!” It was fun!  We felt great about ourselves! We got to the end!  I never forgot it.

What happens when YOUR goal or benchmark is reached? What about when your child reaches his or her goal?

Let’s say that you lost the 25 pounds you wanted to lose. You completed the course you needed to take to finish your degree. You’re child moved to a higher level. S/he finally got the A on in her hardest teacher’s class. Whatever it is, what’s the celebration plan? We’ve overcome so much, it’s hard to change…you did it…so it’s time to celebrate, isn’t it?

Without celebrating a goal, the whole process of goal-setting and goal-getting feels dull and meaningless! As the Powerful Word of the Month is Goal-setting, this is a great time to teach our children to celebrate before moving on to the next goal.

Celebrating can come in all forms—it can be as serious as being given an award or as silly as doing a funny “celebration dance” with a friend or parent. It can be as simple as a making a chocolate-milk toast to the success that was made and as intricate as baking brownies, wrapping them in a special tin, and sharing them with a friend, teacher, or sibling who also had some kind of success.  Celebrating can be going to the movies, giving your child a night off, going to dinner, or even buying her a congratulations balloon and hanging it on the back of her desk chair in her room. You can turn up the radio up really loud and invite him to jump on the bed with you (if that’s allowed for this special occasion). Whatever you do, you do need to commemorate the process if your child is going to learn that making and achieving goals is fun and something extraordinary.

One last hint– be sure that you do it too.  When children see you celebrating your goals, they’ll be more compelled to set and celebrate their own.

So, how do you and your children celebrate the success of your goals? Are you a bed jumper? Brownie baker? Movie goer? If this step has been missing in your goal-setting routine, what would you like to do? Give yourself something to look forward to…

Comment below so others can hear your ideas.  We can all get inspired from one another.

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Stuck, Stagnant and Stymied: Defining your Who, What, Where, When, and Why for 2009

calendar for goal setting

Stuck, Stagnant and Stymied:

Redefining your Who, What, Where, When, and Why for 2009

Dr. Robyn J.A. Silverman

Where did the time go? Didn’t we have definite plans for 2008? Goals? We were going to get to it. But alas, we didn’t. And now it’s January…2009.

My gosh, we waste a lot of time. Procrastination comes in all forms. Email. We searches. Blackberries. Yes, and we know who you are.

Alright; I’ll confess. I’ve just entered the world of FaceBook. Go ahead, “friend” me! It’s a really cool tool that’s reconnected me with friends and colleagues of the past and present. This is both positive and negative. More connections can lead to heightened opportunity, greater feelings of unity, and growth. More connections can also lead to more senseless yapping on the internet, addictive checking of messages, re-exposed high school wounds we would have liked to have left untouched, and yes, lots and lots of wasted time. I sometimes find myself searching around for blasts from the past without any good reason for doing so. And no, curiosity isn’t really that good of an excuse.

We’re quick to blame other people and our “situations” for our lack of concentration and progress. But at the beginning of the New Year, perhaps it’s time to reclaim our control and ask ourselves what’s really happening and how WE can take action to fix it. Let’s make 2009 the year we get “it” done! After all, aren’t we all sick of mediocrity?

(1) Who? It’s time to get honest. Who can you be around and still get the work done that needs to get done? Spouse? Friends? Pets? Who hurts your progress? Who distracts you? Who makes you feel incapable, incompetent, or anxious?

(2) What? Break it down: What do I really have to do? What are the bite-sized pieces that I can put on my to-do list? What’s the plan for today, this week, this month—and what’s my overarching timeline? What can keep me on track?

(3) Where? We often forget to think about our location and how it serves (or doesn’t serve) us and our specific purpose. Where do I flourish, feel productive and make progress? When I look at where I work, what should the space look like for maximum productivity? Where do I lose my focus? Where am I more apt to succumb to distractions? Get honest with yourself. Perhaps a location-change or a space-overhaul is just what you need.

(4) When? Many of you, just like my coaching clients, are not just parents, teachers or business owners. We wear a lot of hats. Still, we do need to take control as best as we can. Ask yourself; When it my best time of day for innovation, business maintenance, or strategic planning? When is my worst time? When do I get tired? When we determine our optimal “when,” our plans become real and certain.

(5) Why? The “why” of our business determines motivation, inspiration, and enthusiasm for every project. Ask yourself; Why am I doing this? Why do I care? Without a “why,” your life will feel empty, dull, and pointless. Whether you do what you do for the good of yourself, the good of your family, or the good of mankind, make sure the reason is compelling so that it consistently inspires you to move forward every day.

First, breathe.  Stand back and really think. You may need a great success coach to work through it all with you. These simple yet powerful overarching questions will inspire you to determine the answers that are vital to your success. Get honest with yourself, answer the questions, and allow your responses to shape the circumstances of your success.

COACHING CLASS! As a success coach, I’m setting up another parenting coaching group for motivated adults who want to make 2009 their year for goal success. Interested? SPACE IS EXTREMELY LIMITED. This group is starting very soon- please let us know that you plan on participating. Fill out the form on my website and I’ll send you more information! PowerDay retreats also available.

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Dr. Robyn Silverman introduces the Powerful Word for January: Goal Setting!

Goal-Setting Quotes:

Without goals, and plans to reach them, you are like a ship that has set sail with no destination –Fitzhugh Dodson

Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you’ll land amongst the stars. — Les Brown

The reason most people never reach their goals is that they don’t define them, or ever seriously consider them as believable or achievable. Winners can tell you where they are going, what they plan to do along the way, and who will be sharing the adventure with them.— Denis Waitley

Our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no other route to success. –Stephen A. Brennan

When we are motivated by goals that have deep meaning, by dreams that need completion, by pure love that needs expressing, then we truly live life. –Greg Anderson

You don’t have to be a fantastic hero to do certain things – to compete. You can be just an ordinary chap, sufficiently motivated to reach challenging goals. –Edmund Hillary

Man is a goal seeking animal. His life only has meaning if he is reaching out and striving for his goals.
— Aristotle

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going. — Ralph Waldo Emerson

You measure the size of the accomplishment by the obstacles you had to overcome to reach your goals. –Booker T. Washington

Your goals are the road maps that guide you and show you what is possible for your life. –Les Brown

Planning is part of goal-setting but not goal-getting. Goals die without action. Do what you’ve planned today so you can have what you want tomorrow. — Dr. Robyn Silverman

The unfortunate aspect about living life without your own goals is that you may very well reach a point in your life where you will wonder, ‘what would have happened if I had only done… —Catherine Pulsifer

When you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. –Zig Ziglar

Here’s to a Powerful Month and a Powerful Year!

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Got Goals? The 7 Deadly Downers that Dash Your Dreams

New Years Resolution and Goal Setting

The 7 Deadly Downers that Sabotage Your New Year’s Resolutions:

Help Your Family Obtain Goal-Setting Success!

Dr. Robyn Silverman

Have a New Year’s resolution? Watch out.  These 7 deadly downers can sabotage your goals.

Many POWerful bits of information come in 7s. Seven numbers in a phone number, seven days in a week, and seven wonders of the world. Most people say that their favorite number between 1 and 10 is seven. Of course, seven can showcase the bad things of this world as well, such as the seven deadly sins to avoid.

And now…

The Seven POWerful Downers that Hold People Back from Goal-setting Success! After all, the January 2009 Powerful Word of the Month is Goal-Setting– so we want want our children and families to be on the look out for these negative words.

(1) No: Such a small word but like an ant, powerful for its size. It’s arguably one of the most powerful words in the
English dictionary. Definitive by nature, it requires no other explanation for what it means. It’s the enemy of progress
and the dasher of dreams.

(2) Can’t: This word is a mind-trick. “Can’t” is the little voice inside our heads that tells us what we are not able to do.
Even if we’ve never tried it or attempted to do this thing this particular way before, “can’t” has already decided the outcome.  Tacking on a simple apostrophe and that one little letter “t” to the end takes this word from emphatic and positive to pathetic and negative.

(3) Won’t: Won’t is our inner child throwing the proverbial tantrum. “Won’t” is bratty and uppity, immature and insistent in getting its way. With folded arms, nose up in the air, and a smug look, “won’t” will easily cut off its nose to spite its face.

(4) Never: A POWerful Downer indeed. “Never” is infinite permanence. “Never” robs us of our power of choice for the
future. What feels impossible today is assumed to be insurmountable in the future despite changes in circumstance,
wisdom, and guts.

(5) Maybe: This word is just plain wishy-washy. It means nothing. Neither gutsy enough to say yes or direct enough to say no, “maybe” provides little hope for progress when there has been no definitive commitment.

(6) If: This tiny word is full of it. Projection, that is. “If” blames others when things don’t go its way. “If” takes the onus off of itself and lays it like a monkey on someone else’s back. It has the power of negating everything said before it with just one small insertion. It whines and begs for someone else to do the work or just simply, make it happen.

(7) Someday: While this word seems genteel enough, the reality is, it wants to sell you a bill of goods. It’s a snake-oil salesman. “Someday” is procrastination in action-there is no commitment, no follow-through, and no progress. “Someday” might tease someone-it might play a trick or two on the brain, but someday has no power for good until someday becomes today.

Actions may speak louder than words, however, these words bark loudly in one’s head. In this next year, you can make a choice to fill your mind with “yes,” “I can,” “I will,” “always,” and “now” or the Powerful Downers detailed above. They are your goals, your dreams, your hopes, and your life. Take back the power.

Here’s to Powerful Goal Setting and Goal Getting Success in 2009!

Please kindly press the digg button! Thanks!

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7 Tips to Help Children Learn Good Money Habits: Interview with Money Man, Sam Renick

How can our children and teens get honest about their money habits?

Dr. Robyn interviews Mr. Sam Renick about teaching children financial literacy

Thank you for joining us here at the Powerful Parent Blog, Mr. Renick. I know you’ve spent a great deal of time working with children on creating a “habit” of earning and spending money wisely through your children’s character “Sammy, the get in the habit, rabbit. In the spirit of honesty month, you really help them to get “honest “with their money habits. So let’s jump right in so we can help parents teach their children financial literacy, a vital skill everyone should learn, and that we’ve been discussing lately and that we’ve discussed previously on the blog.

What kind of information do you share with children about money?

I spend a lot of time talking with elementary school students sharing with them: why I think saving money is a great habit; how it makes them strong and why habits are important. I let them know the key reason why a habit like saving money is important and powerful is because it has a predictable outcome. In other words, the habit of saving money is reliable. It’s dependable. It’s true. It’s honest.

What happens when children and teens make a habit of saving money?

When we make a habit of saving money we can honestly predict our money will grow. We can also honestly predict: (1) we will be better prepared for emergencies; (2) we will be better positioned to make dreams come true; (3) we will be better prepared to help ourselves and others; (4) we will be better prepared to get what we want and need, when we want and need it; and (5) we will have more choices, freedom, independence and security.

And if we don’t “get honest” with ourselves and make it a habit?

As you can imagine, the opposite it true. If we fail to be honest with ourselves about our money habits and routinely exceed our budgets, spend more than we make, and carry credit debt, then it should not come as a surprise that we will have less freedom, more worries, more stress and more strain on relationships.

What can parents do to help their children develop smart money habits?

  1. Walk the talk – part 1. I don’t know of anything that’s more honest or “powerful” (to use your word, Dr. Robyn) than leading by example. If you’re already doing a good job, keep it up. If not, start by improving your own understanding of personal finance by reading a good book on the subject. I recommend “The Way to Wealth,” by Benjamin Franklin and “Raising Money Smart Kids,” by Janet Bodnar.
  2. Walk the talk – part 2. If I could only give a person one piece of advice regarding money it would be this – “pay yourself first.” So, if you are not saving or investing, start. If you are in credit card debt, start systematically paying it off. Get committed to living a debt free life. This will set an excellent example for kids to follow. The web is filled with resources and discussion groups that can help. MSN Money, CNN Money, Yahoo are all good places to begin.
  3. Talk regularly with kids about money. Studies routinely cite lack of communication between parents and children as a common obstacle to raising money literate kids. Take advantage of natural opportunities to involve kids in money related discussions while shopping, budgeting, making lists, recycling, and paying bills. The more responsibility you can appropriately give them for activities the better. Also be sure to initiate dialogue about dreams, goals, home ownership, investments, etc.
  4. Start early with books and music. Expose children to books and music about money early and often. Naturally, I recommend our books and music. For older kids, I love Chad Foster’s “Financial Literacy for Teens,” and David Bach’s “The Automatic Millionaire.”
  5. Instill the habit. Get your child a transparent piggy bank, or better yet create your own family savings bank. Our family did this when we were kids using a Sparklett’s bottle. We all loved it and it really promoted discussion about how to use the money once the bottle was full. When the bank is full take your child to the bank or credit union, start an account and deposit the savings. Review their statements with them regularly.
  6. Affirmations. Provide kids with fun slogans to repeat. Here are a few of Sammy’s favorites: Saving is a great habit! Saving makes me strong! Change adds up! From every dollar, save a dime! Debt Stinks! I am sure you have some of your favorites. Post the slogans around the house or paint them onto your family savings jar.
  7. Allowance. Give your child an opportunity to manage money. Be consistent and supportive. Allow kids to make their own decisions and mistakes within reason. For tips on allowance, check out David McCurrach’s “Allowance Magic.” It’s an excellent read.

Thank you, Sam, for being with us today and giving us these very important tips!

Who is Sam Renick and how can you get in touch?

Sam X Renick is an award winning author, songwriter, trainer, social entrepreneur, and co-creator of the children’s character ‘Sammy, the get in the habit rabbit.’ He is also the founder of The It’s a Habit! Company, Inc., a socially conscious publishing and education company dedicated to helping children and families develop good habits, especially saving money. You can learn more about Sammy, Sam, It’s a Habit! and their mission at www.itsahabit.com