Vile-y Wiley Miley: Oops…Did Miley Cyrus Do it Again?

Vile-y Wiley Miley: Oops…Did Miley Cyrus Do It Again?

Dr. Robyn Silverman

On the quest for wholesome role models for your tween? Ahem. Miley Cyrus might not be it. After what has been described as a “stripper dance”  at the Teen Choice Awards Monday night, parents and the press are all a-twitter.

I don’t know though. I’m wondering if we’re getting a little crazy over well, a blip in time. Yes, she was wearing shorts that were a bit snug and a bit short, and yes there was the pole, and a few dance moves that weren’t all that innocent looking (see minute 1:07 to 1:45) and “Disney-like” but, a stripper dance? We might be going a bit too far on that one. You tell me.

Mostly, that pole was used for balance—which, on a moving ice-cream cart, is necessary. I know– there were a few hip thrusts that in isolation wouldn’t really have been too much of a problem. After all, we dance by moving our hips most of the time. I think the one move that she did (at 1:07), which ironically got people cheering (figure that one out), was the main problem move—yes, very stripper like. It was yucky and then it was over.

The problem here isn’t really Miley Cyrus. It’s that we hate to connect teens—or preteens- to anything sexual. It’s uncomfortable! It makes us shift in our seats.  We don’t even want to think about it. But there she was, doing this in front of our preteens and teens—we thought we were going to get one thing, and we got a little too much of another. We need to admit it– we don’t like to see Miley doing anything suggestive because we fear that it will rub off on our children or say it’s OK for them to do such things.

We want to like Miley—after all, our children do–but she is making it more difficult for us to like her as a role model for our daughters. The mistake we make is insisting on relying blindly on these celebrities for wholesome family fun. Disney might be wholesome—but Miley Cyrus is NOT “Disney incarnate.” And this wasn’t Disney—it was Fox. At the end of the day, Miley Cyrus is a 16 year old girl, looking to expand her fan-base, and make it even bigger than she already has. It may not be right for our teens. We might not like it. But she is following the path she wants to follow.

Now, I’m not saying that I would run right out and have my daughter watch or emulate Miley Cyrus. No. What I’m saying is, that we can’t rely on Miley to fit the role model status we want her to fit. When we do that, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment.  She’s just a celebrity—an entertainer–not necessarily a role model. You want role models, see Taylor Swift, the Jonas Brothers, or someone else who doesn’t flaunt too much of the sex-vibe (although Taylor did do that whole getting wet in the rain thing in her performance of “Should’ve Said No”  which didn’t look totally wholesome either).

What I do what to make clear is the same thing I said when we dealt with the Miley Mess a year and a half ago when she posed for Vanity Fair draped in a sheet and showing her bare back and shoulders to the camera—sort of Lolita-like. If we are going to bring our children to see Miley Cyrus, or watch her on TV with the millions of other fans, we must talk to our teens about what they are seeing. Parents matter.  There are ways to deal with this Miley Mess.

Doesn’t go along with your values? Say that. Think it’s inappropriate? Say why it makes you uncomfortable. Don’t want your daughter emulating what they see? Tell them the problems you foresee. As parents, we need to take responsibility for what our teens are watching and listen to how they are interpreting what they are seeing. We certainly don’t want to make a bigger deal out of it than it is—because it takes one move (at 1:07) and makes it into a whole performance of Titanic proportions.

Don’t like it? Don’t want it? Can’t stand it? Don’t watch it. But then be prepared for your daughter to see these isolated images of Miley Cyrus straddling a pole and making up her own mind about what she is seeing. I vote to talk about it instead—listen more than you talk—and concentrate on raising the most healthy daughter you can. If you are doing it right, it really doesn’t matter what Miley Cyrus is doing anyway.